An upper-class twit from Paddington, Howard I. Noh, discovered today that his Range Rover actually has indicators.
Noh, a Range Rover driver for the past 6 years since he received his first grossly inflated merchant banking bonus from Slug Investments on Canary Wharf, only made the discovery while trying to grope his secretary while parked up in the rain at a corporate event to celebrate the fleecing of the company's 1,000th customer.
"We were parked up with the engine running when I decided to, as Yellow Pages used to say, 'let my fingers do the walking'. However, my secretary Hortense, who really wanted full-on bodily engagement rather than a damp grope in the car, knocked my hand away and it brushed against one of the stalk-type things that protrude from the steering wheel.
"In six years of Chelsea Tractor driving I've never known what those things are for.
"All of a sudden there was this tick-tock sound accompanied by a light on the display thing that was cleverly keeping in time with the tick-tock sound. Amazing.
"However, Hortense thought it might be an Alan Cureida, you know, that designer bomb chappie with the beard from the caves in Iraqistan, trying to bomb us with a timing device so we piled out of the Tractor.
"And lo and behold I noticed an orange flashing light on both the front and left rear light thing, don't you know.
"Hortense explained what these lights signify, and bally ho, I was amazed. I thought we Range Rover drivers owned the road so didn't need anything except petrol in the tank and the keys in the switch-on thing by the steering thing.
"Bloody marvellous I say. This will no doubt help me when I keep death off the road by driving on the pavement.
"Toodle pip, must go."
