Moving Through Walls
Langley VA, July 2008: Edmund Krunt, president and CEO of Smedley Engineering Inc, a small Midwestern engineering company was in town to brief a US government agency on a classified product his company plans to manufacture. The unit allows stealthy t...
Read full storyBig Brother Lisa Has Seen "A Green Man"
Big Brother Lisa, whose partner Mario was expelled from the house last week, has admitted to her fellow housemates that the pair once went camping and saw "a green man". It's not yet known whether it wa...
Read full storyGlobal Warming and Penis Size
New York NY, July 2008: A study conducted by the United Nations (UN) Committee on Global Warming has concluded that global warming (GW) affects penis size.
Read full storyImaginary Girlfriend Dumped
(New York) Vanessa, the imaginary girlfriend of midtown resident Tim Rogers was devastated to learn that she had been dumped over the weekend; replaced by Christine Moore, a real flesh and blood woman Rogers met through friends.
Read full storyHasbeen Aid To Be Held In New England
Hasbeen Aid, the benefit concert that raises publicity and royalties for aging rock and country stars, will be held in New England this year.
Read full storyJah Wobble Chinese Dub Gig Mesmerises Crowd - Man's Glasses Stolen
There was trouble at Birmingham Glee Club last night when multi-instrumentalist and legendary bass guitarist Jah Wobble rolled into town with a 22-piece ensemble for his Chinese Dub show. The group featured singers from Tibet and Yunnan Province,…
Read full storyOrganic Farmers Claim 'We could feed the world'
Lord Mucker and his companion Peter Hold'em claimed last week that their 'natural farming systems' could feed the world given half a chance.
Read full storyBush warrantless wiretap bugged Parliament
London - (Preposterous Mess): MPs and members of the House of Lords heard today that Parliament's switchboard was bugged on George W Bush's personal orders shortly after Prime Monster Tony Blair returned from his 2001 Camp David summit with o...
Read full storyPlans announced for Blair's state funeral
London - (Fecal Mess): JCB diggers were busy burrowing away in the scorching sunshine today among tonnes of slowly ripening disposable nappies, discarded cat litter droppings and remaindered Cliff Richard CDs at a Sellafield landfill site officially...
Read full storyNew UK Knife Menace From Homicidal Butchers
As the UK knife-crime epidemic spirals out of control on a hour-by-hour basis, it has been sensationally revealed that the UK faces a new menace in the growing knife culture.
Read full storyClandestine "Barack Ball Buster" Team Formed And Hires New York City Rabbis To Remove Jesse's Testicles--Jackson Going Into Hiding
INTELLIGENCE SERVICES STAFF (ISS)--COMMUNIQUE...
Read full story"Don't Worry, Be Happy"
With the USA stock market falling into pre-2000 anti-millenium numbers, while the World economy bumble-clunks into stagflation, & the jobs market as well as unemployment sink into negatives not seen since the Great Recession, 1981-83, visited upon ma...
Read full storyColonel Saunders, 102 given freedom of city
A 102 year-old veteran, Lt. Col. Frank Saunders was awarded the Freedom of the City in a ceremony held in Stirling Castle today. The ceremony included veterans who served in many campaigns last century and also current personnel along with parachute...
Read full storyMarks and Spencer seek breast size assessor
Responding to complaints that M&S charge higher prices for large bra sizes, the company is now seeking a breast size assessor in an attempt to harmonise sales of this vital piece of ladies' lingerie.
Read full storyFinancial crisis as Bank of LegoLand collapses
As the recession looms, deepens, dips and dives, another revered financial institution, the Bank of LegoLand, with branches worldwide, has collapsed, leaving investors penniless.
Read full storyMiss Universe To Pose Nude
Caracas Venezuela-- The Miss Universe pageant was held over the weekend in this capital city. Contestants came from all over the world and even from other planets. A contestant from the Triffid Nebula was crowned Miss Universe.
Read full storyMcDonalds to start serving food in their restaurants
In a dramatic move announced today, burger chain McDonalds, famed for its yellow arch logo and too-happy clown, has decided to start selling real food.
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson admits he knows nothing about cars
BBC Top Gear presenter, newspaper columnist, author and jeans wearer Jeremy Clarkson has admitted he actually knows nothing at all about cars.
Read full storyTeachers Union eradicates pupil problems
Truancy, Health and Safety issues, physical and sexual abuse and bullying have all be eradicated in every British school thanks to positive action by the teaching union. In a statement issued earlier today, the union has confirmed that British Sch...
Read full storyFrance jealously up in arms over Zimbabwe UN sanctions threat
A jealous President Sarkybozo of France has called on the UN to impose sanctions on France following the dismal performance by the United Nations regarding sanctions against Zimbabwe.
Read full storyProfessor Jean-Luc Beams In To Huddersfield
Starship captain Jean-Luc Picard yesterday expressed his continuing frustration with fans who continue to confuse his on-screen persona "Patrick Stewart" with the real-life actor.
Read full storyOak Tree Achieves 'Listed Building' Status
A 300-year-old oak tree in Surrey has been made a 'Listed Building' by Council chiefs, who say that the tree, known as The Oak, is not responsible for local subsidence.
Read full storyObama address NAACP, urges Blacks to Continue living off of White guilt
Democratic Presidential candidate, Barrack Obama, speaking to the N.A.A.C.P., the largest and oldest civil rights organization in America, urged Blacks to continue living off of White Guilt.
Read full storyThe Chemtrails Diet flies off bookstore shelves
Abiline, TX -- A new diet book has gained overnight success as public concern over atmospheric modification by the US and other nations mounts. "The Chemtrails Diet-keeping healthy in the modified atmosphere" details the dangerous compounds...
Read full storyYankees Feature South Bronx Neighbors Throughout All Star festivities!
Billion dollar Major League Baseball franchise, The New York Yankees, in their last season in the House That Ruth Built has dramatically reached out to the impoverished South Bronx neighborhood it has called home for more than 3/4ths of a century.
Read full storyFed reopens IndyMac to rerun in weekend attempt to restore consumer confidence
Pasadena, California - IndyMac Bancorp Inc. reopened its corporate headquarter doors to a sunny Southern California day.
Read full storyGreat Apes Grant Spaniards Primate Rights!
Spaniards now have a better understanding of why they are called great apes. At a recent conference of The Great Ape Association of Prime Primates, a ground breaking document was passed unanimously declaring Spaniards "part of the community of e...
Read full storyWhy are Americans so fat?
I was at a McDonald's the other day for breakfast with a friend.
Read full story"ChemicalMcC" Supports Covert Operations in Iranian Lungs
Repub candie John McCain has advanced a secret foreign policy initiative to spread cancer causing agents into the lungs of Iranians. Tar, nicotine and toxic chemical additives are being shipped to Iran in the guise of US produced cigarettes.
Read full storyLaughghanistan New Tourist Mecca
CandyHar Laughghanistan - Long reviled in the press as a place to avoid travel agents say Laughghanistan is proving the preferred permanent vacation destination of choice for more than just soldiers these days.
Read full storyWho Found the Fone?!
Who really found Amelia Milk Swell's phone? There is still rumors going around saying DJ liquid lost his cell phone after he had finish having oral sex with Milk, what a co-incidence just after he had finish, but it is clear that she is fired from CVM. And why don't Candies admit the fact that she no longer works there, and stop bring around the people of Jamaica and the world in circles?
Read full storyNCB Denies Rumors
National Commercial Bank Jamaica Limited says there is no truth to rumors recently regarding the restriction of activity on the accounts of Olint Limited.
Read full storyChina "Outraged": Bush Lifting Offshore Drilling Ban Threatens China's Gulf of Mexico Deposits
(Shanghai, China) China's President Hu Jintao stated he was "outraged" at President Bush's lifting of an executive order banning the US from drilling off US shores. Jintao countered that China already acquired the v...
Read full storyLooking back, Mugabe credits slogan for victory
Zimbabwe's president Robert Mugabe, who recently was reelected, credits his victory to his "grand" campaign slogan.
Read full storyTalk with the Lawyers
Washington DC, July 2008: A new kind of talk radio program may begin to appear on the public airways next year, as it is anticipated that right wing talk radio shows, e.g. Bill O'Reilly may be migrating to satellite radio. (Anticipation of Congre...
Read full storyCongress and The Law of Gravity
Westminster Abbey, London/Washington DC: The story "Congress To repeal Law Of Gravity" written by Neil Levine on 16 July 2005, postulates that the US Congress is saying that what goes up does not have to come down, e.g. government involvement in everything! Following this story was another entitled &quo...
Read full storyWWII UXB Found On X62(c)
An unexploded World War II bomb has been discovered on a battered old bus in East Yorkshire on the route between Hull and Leeds.
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