"Don't Worry, Be Happy"

Funny story written by Walt

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

image for "Don't Worry, Be Happy"
Mmmm, mmmm . . . happy

With the USA stock market falling into pre-2000 anti-millenium numbers, while the World economy bumble-clunks into stagflation, & the jobs market as well as unemployment sink into negatives not seen since the Great Recession, 1981-83, visited upon mankind by Saint Ronnie of Raygun, millions of folks are not totally pleased with their day-to-day lives.

Thus, researchers looked into what makes people sad and, conversely, what makes people happy. The answers are depressing. Apparently, folks in general don't find happiness in money, job success, religion, personal appearance & grooming, or family. It seems as if "free time," social interactions with friends, & volunteering are the main sources of happiness.

Noted columnist and guru of pundits, Ziff Nada, noticed a few of these magazine articles & media stories, which resulted in his personal research on the topic. Using his long-standing, well developed polling technology, Mr. Nada took it to the people & asked the next 10 folks he saw on a Monday morning what made them happy. The answers were simple & totally different than the published results.

#1: getting laid (10 of 10). This does not appear in any published lists.
#2: getting high or low on drugs/booze (9 of 10). Under the radar to researchers.
#3: favorite music (8 of 10). Found in some studies related to dancing.
#4: a good nap (7of 10). Unknown to the big-time studies.
#5: a great sandwich (7 of 10). Pfffft in the news.

Based on his fool-proof survey, it appears as if the true source of happiness, for most people in the same office building as Ziff Nada, is to toke up, head for a bar with a music scene, eat a sandwich, possibly dance a few times, get laid, & take a nice nap afterwards. So much for tomorrow's notable column.

Cue up Bobby McFerrin:
"Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy"

Now let's get lucky, happy people.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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