The Chemtrails Diet flies off bookstore shelves

Funny story written by Earnest A. Peal

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

image for The Chemtrails Diet flies off bookstore shelves
This man's behaviour may have been affected by mind-altering substances in the man-made cloud behind him.

Abiline, TX -- A new diet book has gained overnight success as public concern over atmospheric modification by the US and other nations mounts. "The Chemtrails Diet-keeping healthy in the modified atmosphere" details the dangerous compounds found through laboratory examination of the aerialites and recommends common sense adjustments to the diet and living habits.

The author, Chris Kens, who previously wrote another diet book, "The Primate Diet-eating the food we evolved to eat", said he wrote the book because he believes in "doing what we can do, rather than just staring at the sky in fear and anger."

The specific elements sprayed are typically polymers (for lift-like a spider uses a strand of web to fly), nanotubules (ultra-small engineered materials for holding biological agents), aluminum dust (possibly for obscuring radar), and barium-titanate (to create channels for enhanced "over the horizon" radar communications).

Some specific suggestions from the book:

Uncle Sam Cereal contains flaxseeds, good for maintaining fats in the brain that help force out aluminum dust that has crossed the blood-brain barrier.

Barium blocks absorption of potassium by the body. It is therefore advantageous to get extra potassium from sources such as bananas.

Eating diatomaceous clay helps to bind and carry out many chemicals from the body, and here the author gives several cooking tips for incorporating this unfamiliar natural cleanser into the diet. "Even my kids love the "Asian-style Tofu n' Clay", says Kens.


In addition, the author gives helpful hints on choosing the right filtering devices: surgical masks, HEPA filters and air conditioners.

Chapter four, titled "Removing nanotubules that have been inhaled and absorbed into the skin-the quick and easy way", gives helpful tips that will reduce time spent with doctors, avoid the typical misdiagnosis of "delusion", and prevent infection of the bleeding Morgellons-disease sores.

For those who may not wish to change their diet, but still want to avoid breathing carcinogens, the author gives a "blue-skies map" charting the areas most frequently sprayed, and the 17 percent of the US that has never been sprayed.

Whether you trust the government implicitly when it describes the 9-year program as "ordinary contrails", or if you go for the recent PR push of "possibly to prevent global warming", this book will help you to avoid the serious and cumulative negative health effects of these military aerosol programs.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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