Fed reopens IndyMac to rerun in weekend attempt to restore consumer confidence

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

image for Fed reopens IndyMac to rerun in weekend attempt to restore consumer confidence
The FDIC's new financial advice to federally insured deposit holders: "Don't worry. Be happy."

Pasadena, California - IndyMac Bancorp Inc. reopened its corporate headquarter doors to a sunny Southern California day.

With federal regulators at the helm, backed by the American taxpayer base, the U.S. government finally took actual control from within the catacomb recesses of air-conditioned offices. After appearing on virtually every financial TV show in an unprecedented weekend of talking the talk, it failed to walk the walk.

As the Mercury climbed outside, so too did the tempers of thousands that stood in line waiting to take away only what was rightfully theirs but instead walked away with less than what they came for despite the promises advertised to this day.

"We don't understand why the American people just don't trust us," said a spokesman for the FDIC. "Like we've been saying to the Greatest Generation (survivors of the first Great Depression) and all this past weekend, IndyMac's depositor's accounts are fully insured up to $100,000 dollars. "

"But not if you close your account," said one consumer of the newly founded IndyMac Federal Bank. "I walked away with eighty-five percent of my original deposit."

"It's a lot like watching the movie, 'Dumb and Dumber," said Albert Smyth, IndyMac Federal Bank customer while standing in line waiting to make a withdrawal and co-incidentally watching "Dumb and Dumber" on his iPhone. "On one hand, I'm glad that the IndyMac board of executives is not in control anymore. Still, I'm not very confident in the federal regulator's competence in running even this Dog and Pony Show."

The apparent reason for the lack of consumer confidence is that IndyMac's meltdown came as a complete surprise to the FDIC. Not even appearing on its watch list of 90 other banks it considers are in trouble.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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