Written by Arthur Pint

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

image for Professor Jean-Luc Beams In To Huddersfield
"The Prof"

Starship captain Jean-Luc Picard yesterday expressed his continuing frustration with fans who continue to confuse his on-screen persona "Patrick Stewart" with the real-life actor.

Speaking at Huddersfield University, where he received an honorary professorship, Picard revealed how fans still shout "Oi Stewart, make it so!" more than twenty years after the hit TV show Star Trek The Next Generation ended.

Picard, 82, received the professorship from his home town in recognition of his services to acting. He attended a local comprehensive school as a child before graduating to the Star Fleet academy in his late teens.

During his four hour acceptance speech, Picard revealed how the character of Patrick Stewart was originally planned to be a Vulcan. "I told Gene Roddenberry he could f*ck right off if he thought I was going to be wearing those pointy ears for five years" said Picard. It was finally agreed that the captain would be human after Roddenberry agreed it was OK as long as he played it with a "poncy Shakeperean voice" and "was a bit stern".

The change of character paid massive dividends for Picard, as many producers and directors believed he was a genuine Shakeperean actor following his appearance on Star Trek. He subsequently landed many TV and film roles that needed a poncy Shakepearean actor. Prior to Star Trek, Picard had appeared in an episode of Emmerdale, a Heartbeat Christmas special and was a voice-over artist for a number of Kelloggs Rice Crispies TV adverts.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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