Congress and The Law of Gravity

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

image for Congress and The Law of Gravity

Westminster Abbey, London/Washington DC: The story "Congress To repeal Law Of Gravity" written by Neil Levine on 16 July 2005, postulates that the US Congress is saying that what goes up does not have to come down, e.g. government involvement in everything! Following this story was another entitled "Gravity is a myth, the world sucks" written by queen mudder on October 10 2006.

Sir Isaac Newton's (1642-1727) spirit, comfortably resting in Westminster Abbey, was suddenly jolted awake by both the above referenced stories, which could turn the civilized world upside down. Sir Isaac immediately recognized the gravity or lack thereof, of the situation. This news was particularly disturbing after the fictitious incident about the apple falling on his head was printed in the London Daily Tabloids.

The second of the two stories was explained by the writer and gave Sir Isaac no cause to worry. British commuters who use the London Underground will also attest that only Electrolux sucks (1990 advertisement).

Sir Isaac then immediately headed for the colonies to remedy the situation. (The British Airways Boeing 747 first class accommodations were magnificent.) Arriving in Washington DC he went to the US Capitol to listen in to sessions of both houses of Congress. Apparently the US Congress had a change of heart and was going to reinstitute the law of gravity by raising taxes, relative to energy production and removal of green house gases from the atmosphere. In fact Sir Isaac realized that Congress had actually doubled the force of gravity (g) on the American public to at least two g's. While astronauts and fighter pilots may scoff at only a 2g force of gravity, this is serious stuff when taxes are involved. This kind of force places a heavy burden on US taxpayers and may cause the American economic engine to come to a crashing stop!

The American Congress has become a bunch of technical Luddites when energy production, transportation, greenhouse gases/climate change and environmental protection are at issue. Members demonstrate a clear lack of knowledge about the laws of physics. Neither legislative body has bothered to read Sir Isaac's PhilosophiƦ Naturalis Principia Mathematica, published in 1687, his other works about physics and mathematics or any high school physics text book. They only want to pass laws that involve the mantra of "solar, wind and geothermal energy", stop domestic oil or natural gas drilling, and protect polar bears.

Using his cell phone Sir Isaac called a few of his overseas kindred spirits to come and join him, as well as a number of America's scientific heavy hitters. James Watt (1736-1819), James Joule (1818-1889), Clerk Maxwell (1831-1879), Adam Smith (1723-1790), Nikola Tesla (1856-1943), Heinrich Hertz (1857-1894), Thomas Edison (1847-1931), Charles Steinmetz (1865-1923) and Albert Einstein (1879-1855) have all been assembled in spirit to keep a technical eye on Congress.

Sir Isaac thought maybe these noted physicists, engineers and the foremost economist could help him restore gravity to its original value of g! After all many of the physicists and the economist were born in Scotland! However, Sir Isaac kept wondering if the British Parliament was as screwed up as the American Congress, relative to gravity, taxes and energy issues?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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