In a dramatic move announced today, burger chain McDonalds, famed for its yellow arch logo and too-happy clown, has decided to start selling real food.
With menus better known for floppy burgers, large cups of fizzy drinks and reconstituted potato fries covered in salt, the company has up to now resisted the temptation to sell real food.
The head chef, Chick McTucky explains:
"We have decided to broaden the appeal for fast food by slowing things down a bit. While burgers will continue to feature on our menu, together with McChips and McSalads, we will be offering a choice of gastronomic options for customers with a finer palette and the desire not to die from an excess of fat, salt and cholesterol in their food.
"From next month, customers will be able to choose, amongst other things, the McBaigelandlox, McSnails, McCurry, McQuaileggs, McTbonesteak and McFrogslegs. All will be served in a healthy batter to maintain the unique McDonalds taste, with fries and of course the option to go large for an extra 30p. Of course, regular customers for Big Macs and other fast delights already go large automatically, some by up to 5 stone.
"For senior customers, we will offer a range of McLagers, McBeers and McGinandtonics, together with a new rannge of McCoctails and McBingedrinks. And for our very senior citizens who may not have their own teeth, we will offer the option of McSoggyfood and the McPre-chewed range."
"And to finish their meals, customers will receive, free of charge, their choice from McRennies, McGavscon or McMilkofmagnesia, as well as coupons for money off at their local Co-op funeral parlour."