Responding to complaints that M&S charge higher prices for large bra sizes, the company is now seeking a breast size assessor in an attempt to harmonise sales of this vital piece of ladies' lingerie.
According to a spokesperson from the company's HR department, Betty Dysfunction, the first job the new breast assessor will have to undertake is to investigate the breasts of their celebrity product endorser Myleene Klass.
Miss Dysfunction said:
"Myleene's breasts are under the microscope, so to speak, because, despite their attraction to many men, the public don't feel they are representative of the average female breast - although there can be no doubt that many males would indeed like to feel them - in order to test the theory of course.
I must add though, that regardless of how pleasant an experience it might be, we of course don't condone the examination of Myleene's private protuberances by total strangers, unless, of course, they have her express permission.
"At M&S, we like to think that all our customers are on an equal footing, or might I suggest, an equal cleavage, despite any difference in size, and we hope to standardise the cost of lingerie for ladies at the soonest possible opportunity."