Repub candie John McCain has advanced a secret foreign policy initiative to spread cancer causing agents into the lungs of Iranians. Tar, nicotine and toxic chemical additives are being shipped to Iran in the guise of US produced cigarettes.
In a conspiracy among tobacco producers, cigarette manufacturers and Madison Ave advertisers, Iran has become the target of the most comprehensive chemical warfare attack in the 21st century.
Iranian TV has been duped into running a series of Marlboro commercials featuring a rugged camel driver in full desert regalia. Inspirational Persian folk music rises as the camel jockey guides his ship of the desert from behind a giant sand dune. Focus groups across Iran identified the sheik as a real man and female viewers gave the image a 100% masculinity rating.
McCain was quoted in a classified document as saying: "Who needs to bomb Iran, we'll smoke them out!"