Carla Brunei soon to become France's Heather Mills?
Windsor Castle - (Lurid Ass Mess): Is Carla Brunei about to become France's very own Heather Mills? Worried courtiers and Castle attendants are unanimous that hell will freeze over first before the walking slagheap-cum-France's first Mada...
Read full storyStallone Gets Death Threats From Old Father Time
Ancient star Sylvester Stallone, rumoured to start every day with a vigourous exercise routine of hard lipo and steroid pumping, has revealed that he has been receiving death threats for the last ten years on a daily basis.
Read full storyLiam Gallagher and Nicole Appleton Marry - Wedding Appears in Happy Slapping Video
Beatles tribute artist and former "wildish" pop star Liam Gallagher has secretly married his long time "tame-ish" girlfriend Nicole Appleton at a secret location thought to be Marylebone this morning.
Read full storySatire writer rejoins Dow Jones Industrial Average with her big oil front company
San Ramon, California - (Hydrocarbons Mess): A noted, albeit immensely reclusive satire writer has regained her membership of Wall Street's highest profile club after agreeing to add her hydrocarbons piggy-bank hobby to the closely watched Dow Jo...
Read full storyUS Senate to introduce CRAP Legislation
WASHINGTON, DC - As a result of Senator Larry Craig's lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport bathroom the Committee on Standards of Official Conduct will introduce a bill, Craig's Repugnant Airport Proposition (CRAP).If passed,it will require...
Read full storyHillary Secretly Working on "Double-Divorce" Option
Realizing that her dynamic competition, Barack Obama, is inching ahead and may pull off the most exciting Democratic Party Presidential nomination ever, Hillary Clinton is...
Read full storyHannah Montana tour cancellation provokes riots in London
Riots broke out in London today after the news that the Hannah Montana tour planned for the UK has had to be cancelled over complications with British trades descriptions law.
Read full storyHitler's great-grandniece designs colostomy bag for Stalin's grandson
The grandniece of disgraced Nazi pig nose Adolf Hitler has entered the cutthroat world of fashion by designing a haute-couture colostomy bag for the grandson of Russian tyrant Joseph Stalin
Read full storyPaul McCartney Gets Back With Heather Shock
For one person this will be a Valentine's Day to remember. For the rest of the world it will be quite a shock too.
Read full storySarkozy outraged at Bruni's "collaboration" slur
Seemingly nothing is going well for the newly-wed Sarkozy's these days: the new First Lady had likened the publishing of a supposed SMS by Nicolas Sarkozy to his ex-wife, telling her that his wedding to Carla Bruni would be called off, if she ret...
Read full storyStar Wars program revived as Pentagon readies to shoot down rogue satellite from International Space Station
Washington DC - (Ballistic Mess): Pentagon top brass are ready to blast into smithereens a rogue military satellite that has lost control and is threatening to smash into New York's Empire State Building.
Read full storyRon Paul forces creation of New Party!
Ron Paul, the longshot candidate who cannot win, and who we want to...
Read full storyRoger Clemens heads off trouble
Carpenters and stonemasons worked furiously all night Tuesday and early Wednesday, knocking down walls and widening doorways to ensure that Roger Clemens' massive, steroid-filled head could fit in buildings on Capitol Hill.
Read full storyStudent Loans: Interest Goes Sky High Say Tories
Tory leader David Cameron shocked viewers at the Conservative Constitution this morning after unveiling their new plans for student loans.
Read full storyPortuguese prosecutors: Blair interferred with investigation
Portimao - (Opus Dei Mess): Portuguese prosectors have told the press that their investigations have been besieged by constant pressure, interference and thinly-veiled snarls from Opus Dei's top European cheerleader Tony Blair.
Read full storyMacca tries to Work It Out with Mucca
Rumours of a forthcoming agreement in the ongoing Macca -v-Mucca Divorce were brushed aside by a spokesperson for bashful Heather Mills today. Actually, having fired...
Read full storyNew Star Wars Movie Announced By George Lucas
Another Star Wars movie is in the works. This one, to be an animated film, will be titled Star Wars: The Clone Wars and will take in the time frame between the second and third Star Wars films. It will both kick off an animated series and set the s...
Read full storyAshley's Restaurant Shame
Despite an embarrassing incident involving a jug of water and a psychotic co-star, Ashley Tisdale denies rumours that she is "too embarrassed" to go out in public.
Read full storyMadonna's Filth & Wisdom Bombs
Berlin - (Putrid Cinematography Mess): Relentless self-reinventer Madonna-Kebab was in hiding today after critics panned her latest film offering Filth, Wisdom & Self-Delusion likening it to a lurid, tacky, cliche-ridden descent into the aby...
Read full storyVanessa: "I've had enough!"
18 year old 'actress' Vanessa Hudgens has reportedly had a breakdown due to stress. The High School Musical star was said to have burst into tears, and was dragged from the restaurant screaming.
Read full story1000 times reward to US consumer offered for overspending
The Federal Reserves and its Chairman, Ben Bernanke along with the US government is trying everything possible to get rid of a recession in the largest economy of the world. Interest rates were cut aggressively; Congress and the President sanctioned...
Read full storyWarrant issued for arrest of entire population of world after Diana coroner remarks "we are all to blame for her death"
A warrant was issued for the arrest of the entire population of the world last night after Lord Justice Scott Baker remarked that the death of Princess Diana was a tragedy where "no-one is innocent".
Read full storyAfter knives, guns, government plans new "fist amnesty"
After the success of schemes to reduce the number of violent crimes committed using knives and then guns, the government is proposing a new amnesty - this time with fists. Assault, GBH and ABH records show that there has been a year-on-year percenta...
Read full storyMore Russians To Die In London Soon
A senior ex-KGB defector residing in London has said billionaire tycoon Badri Patarkatsishvili was murdered, and that he expects more Russian exiles to die mysteriously in the capital soon.
Read full storyDwain Chambers To Captain British Olympic Drugs Team
British sprinter Dwain Chambers, the drug cheat who received a two-year ban in 2004 after testing positive for a banned steroid, will be free to run in the 2008 Olympic Games, after UK Athletics reve...
Read full storyRon Jeremy To Replace Stephen Spielberg In Bejing
Porn star and erotica director Ron Jeremy says he's delighted to be asked by Chinese officials to take the place of Stephen Spielberg at the Bejing Olympics promising to use his expertise to make it an event to remember and the first opening cere...
Read full storyCox-2 Inhibitors, Good 4Cox, bad 4 heart
Guardian science writers report: "Doctors were yesterday advised to switch all patients taking the painkillers known as Cox-2 inhibitors on to other drugs following revelations that they increase the risk of heart attack."...
Read full storyKing Warns UK of Recession!
British readers across the United Kingdom were shocked this morning to hear that they had a King and that that King was advising them on economics.
Read full storyMurdoch-Gates Throwdown: Let's Get It On!
After destroying every somewhat objective news company that he has acquired, Rupert Murdoch is going after Microsoft's latest hostile takeover target, Yahoo.
Read full storyNational High School Cheerleading Championships Conclude in Florida
The National High School Cheerleading Championships took place once again at Walt Disney World in sunny Orlando, Florida. Teams from every state in the nation attended the competition to prove that they could jump, yell, flip, and wave their pom pom...
Read full storyRon Paul Chooses Ru Paul as His Mate!
Libertarian Republican Candie Ron Paul, the real liberty lover in this Primary race supports freeing American victims from Bush's Folly in Iraq,liberating High-Earning citizens from a socially responsible graduated income tax,shrinking big government in the face of gigantic, multi-national corporations seemingly dedicated to the robbing of the consumer and the raping of the earth.
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