Student Loans: Interest Goes Sky High Say Tories

Funny story written by Terry Cotta

Thursday, 14 February 2008

image for Student Loans: Interest Goes Sky High Say Tories
Cameron looking smug after the Constitution

Tory leader David Cameron shocked viewers at the Conservative Constitution this morning after unveiling their new plans for student loans.

Mr. Cameron, after giving his views on the Labour policy and Global Warming, went on to inform the crowd that the Tories planned to raise interest rates on student loans to 45% by the year 2014.

"This revolutionary new scheme will mean that only those who have enough money to pay off the loans will be able to go into further education," Cameron informed the press. He then added, with a giggle, "and let's face it, the more stupid ones tend to be the poorer ones anyway."

These controversial plans came as a surprise to many, especially after the scare about student loans in late 2007. By raising the interest rate by a staggering 40% (from 2008's 4.8% rate), the Tories are ensuring that only those born into money will be able to go into further education.'s education editor attended the Constitution in London, and gathered the opinions of some university students after the shocking announcement.

"I think it's well unfair," said Greg McAthurby, who studies Genetics at Leicester University. "I mean, we're gonna be the doctors and space engineers and IT managers of the future, and raising the interest rates mean that we won't be able to carry on paying, and so we won't be able to go to uni."

McAthurby's opinions mirror many of the comments circulating on the social networking site Facebook.

While it is unclear whether Cameron's plans will be put into effect in the future, we can certainly say that it is a grim day for university students all over the country.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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