San Ramon, California - (Hydrocarbons Mess): A noted, albeit immensely reclusive satire writer has regained her membership of Wall Street's highest profile club after agreeing to add her hydrocarbons piggy-bank hobby to the closely watched Dow Jones Industrial Average.
"Chevron is one of my favorite little chickadees," Mrs X said today, "and has provided me with the sort of personal pleasure most people associate with, say, vintage champagne, exotic jewellery or fine art.
"I used to think running the UN Security Council was my favorite hobby," Mrs X continued, "but frankly dealing with all those Nazi child molestors masquerading as bona fide Global Piss Process luminaries just got right up my nose.
"Owning such a massive chunk of big oil is different. It really satisfies my need for a hobby and helps keep my gorgeous husband razor sharp when it comes to outwitting those slimebags using the Bush flagship of convenience."
Mrs X's San Ramon-based hobby is now enjoying its third term back in the Dow.
"I toyed with Chevron's Dow membership back in the dotcom bingeout of November 1999," Mrs X continued, "but made a measured exit ahead of the dotcom bubbleburst which turned the Dow into a Clintonian era laughing stock.
"Now the Dow boys have crawled back on their hands and knees and kissed my ass I have reconsidered my position and am prepared to allow my little hobby to be added to their Index.
"Hell, they've only got one lousy big oil corp on their books at the moment anyway - and the way the dollar's going and what with the price of crude and LNG I may just be buying out the Exxon Mobil Corp myself later in the year and amalgamating it with Chevron.
"Sure would scare the Bushes shitless! Specially when the world finds out just who really was behind that Alaskan Corrupt Bastards Club business!"
Chevron has been described as a global behemoth. Last year the company posted sales of more than $220 billion and earnings in excess of $18 billion.
"Yep, 2008 is gonna be one helluva year in the satire and big oil fronting businesses," Mrs X added engimatically.
Condoleezza Rice is sick as a pig.
