New Space Race Forces World Peace!
The World Council announced today, that the earth can no longer sustain its 6.6 billion population and so in order to 'slim' it down somewhat, has decided to 'evacuate' an entire country to the moon before 2040.
Read full storyWhy Do People Talk About Paris Hilton?
From our media correspondant, Betty Diddit:...
Read full storyCherie enemas were all the rage in Texarse says accused
Royal Courts of Justice, London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): The Coroner's Inquest into the death of Princess Diana has heard how Cherie Blair tampered with emetic liquids used in the Princess's colonic irrigation therapies.
Read full storyQueen's appointments diary full to bursting for October
Buckingham Palace - (Conspiracy Mess): Having survived the wettest, dullest and most hideous Scottish summer holiday since the Annus Horibilis of 1992, Puppet Monarch Old Fatty Mountbatten is safely ensconced back in London.
Read full storyCure for AIDS could be as close as your local Safeway
(China)- A recent experiment conducted in a Bejing lab, concluded yesterday that a cure for AIDS could be on shelves as early as 2020.
Read full storyDesert Island Dicks (Radio 4)
Jane: Today I'm joined by Tim Lovelace who has been described as, and I quote, 'the archetypal muso, journo and wino', of course eluding to his love of music, journalism and fine wine respectively, do you think that's an accurate description Tim?...
Read full storyAl-Jazeera TV launch of "Oh Mr Ambassador with these Ferrero-Rocher you are really spoiling us!" ad
Qatar - (Confectionery Mess): Just in time for the end of Ramadan and the beginning of five days' Eid Al Fitr feasting, Al-Jazeera TV has launched its very own version of the Ferrero-Rocher ad, featuring the lavish hospitality of a London dignita...
Read full storyTerrorist Eradicating Aerosol Developed
Kabul, Afghanistan (IP) - Wasp Spray industries has developed and marketed an anti-terrorist aerosol that will soon be available on store shelves world wide.
Read full storyColombian artist fills Tate with crack
South Bank, London - (Conceptual Mess): Colombian sculptor Doris Salcedo has filled a hole in the Tate Modern gallery with 167 metres of crack.
Read full storyCrunch Time for Banks as Credit Trap Bites
Just two weeks after the US Sub-Prime lending crisis almost caused the collapse of Northern Rock - when fellow Banks refused to lend to the beleaguered Mortgage Provider - has seen an incredible reversal in attitude...
Read full storyRadical Policy Overhaul
Setting targets and then not meeting them has been the modus operandi of the government over the last decade, however a radical policy overhaul looks set to put paid to this. Among the proposals are:...
Read full storyExclusive: Jesus Christ Returns; Mistaken for David Blaine
Action News 8, Billings Montana -- Jesus Christ was spotted descending down to earth in a remote region of Montana by a local couple and their two children yesterday. "I didn't know what was goin' on myself," stated eyewitness Joe Bob Chandler. "He...
Read full storySeventies Soap Opera Was Recruiting Portal For Spys And Spooks And That
Sensational news emerging tonight that seventies Brummy soap opera, Crossroads, was in fact a recruiting ground for the UK's top spying bods, MFI.
Read full storyGord the Bodger, Can he fix it?
BBC TV have remade an episode of the classic kids series based on the Labour Party, aimed at young children that originally followed the adventures of an odd-job man.
Read full storyGermany Will Re-develop V-2 Missile
Frankfurter, Germany (IP) - German scientists announced today that they will immediately begin work on a rocket for peaceful purposes based on the old V-2 missile design.
Read full storyGucci Belt Found Circling the Earth
Sputnikaberg, Russia (IP) - The Van Allen radiation belts were discovered by one of the Explorer series of space craft launched during the International Geophysical Year of 1958.
Read full story'Ginger Ninja' Price Harry joins Gingers 4 Justice
Rumours suggest that the 'Ginger Ninja' Price Harry is having to die his hair ginger after at outbreak of grey hair appeared on the top of his head. This has been blamed on the stress caused by being a member of the Royal family, followed aro...
Read full storyMary Cheney's brat under Homeland Security surveillance ahead of Halloween alert
Washington AC/DC - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Mary Cheney's five month old son Samuel David Cheney has been put under round the clock surveillance by Homeland Insecurity officials ahead of an ominous descent into hellish premonitions materialising on...
Read full storyNobel Prize for the Appendix Scientists
Two US scientists and their Irish collaborator have been awarded the Nobel Prize for medicine for their ground-breaking work in discovering what the appendix is for.
Read full storyRepublicans' glee as Hillary appoints Sandy Berger
Washington - (Mendacious Mess): Spirits are riding high at last in the GOP today amid reports that Democrats' presidential hopeful Senator Hillary Clinton "has fallen for the oldest trick in the book" and appointed Sandy Berger - the 9/...
Read full storySherry enemas were all the rage in Texarse says accused
Houston, Texarse - (Reuterus): A woman accused of killing her alcoholic husband by giving him sherry enemas told a Brazoria County District Court today that alcoholic purges were "all the rage" in her part of town "just like the coloni...
Read full storyNational Anthem to be Privatised
For centuries gangs of unemployed, shaven-headed men have stood with pride to mumble selected words from 'God Save The Queen' at international football matches, but this longstanding tradition could soon come to a swift end if government plan...
Read full storyUS Congress Appalled at Two Day Workweek
WASHINGTON, DC - A handful of delicate Senators and Representatives collapsed on Thursday as they entered the grueling final hours of yet another two day workweek, underlining the very important issue of Representative Exhaustion (Repex), caused by t...
Read full storyJamie Oliver to launch chain of low-cost crack dens
London - (Greasy Spoon Mess): Amid persistent reports that the bottom has fallen out of the UK's self-publicising foodie market North London chef Jamie Oliver is rumored to be expanding into the country's fastest-growing juvenile industry and...
Read full storyOliver Cooks His Own Face
Drool lipped mockney foodster Jamie Oliver is currently under observation in Camden Holistic Hospital today after suffering third degree burns to his boat race (face). Oliver (19) was rushed, in a carbon neutral rickshaw ambulance, to the hospital wh...
Read full storyParis Hilton To Endorse "The Friday the 13th Diet"
(Los Angeles--CA) When she's not driving drunk, reading the Bible, calling Lindsay Lohan "fire crotch", being the lit match to the high explosive list of Britney Spears' addictions, Paris Hilton just might be throwing up. At least that's what her publicist, Elliot "The Leech" Mintz, would have us believe. Today, Hilton announced she was signing on to endorse "T...
Read full storyBritish Man Victim Of "Triple E" Weapon
A British man is in hospital in Edinburgh after contracting a deadly US military virus whilst on holiday in the US earlier this year. The man, from Scotland, is thought to have become infected with the "Triple E" bug when he was bitten by a mosqui...
Read full storyGovernment Unveils 'Total Knife Ban' - Even In Kitchens
The Government has today announced plans for a new and improved knife ban, after another teenager died as a result of a knife attack in London at the weekend.
Read full storyYour Guide to the Buddha in Burma Look
Buddhist monks are everywhere at this time of year, and with the mild autumn weather we're having, bare feet and those lovely ochre tints are a carefree and attractive style that will keep you right at fashion's cutting edge long after the leaves have fallen.
Read full storyHalo Games Rids itself of Microsoft due to Investments in Porn
Microsoft said yesterday that it was finally giving up its controlling ownership of Bungie Software, the video game subsidiary that developed the hugely popular Halo franchise, including its latest iteration, Halo 3.
Read full storyTrade is so bad - Xmas is cancelled
Santa Claus is considering getting an injunction against a Gloucester village after a frustrated traders have cancelled Christmas because a road closure. The road is closed due to a landslip brought on by the summer's floods.
Read full storyBritain to go down the Shute
Gordon Brown the UK Prime Minister is planning to move the UK to Australia. Brown is thought to have got the idea from the author Neville Shute, who wrote several books on the subject in the 1940's.
Read full storyMonet Work Badly Damaged After Argument
A painting by the noted French Impressionist artist Claude Monet has been seriously damaged after an argument at a gallery in Paris. The picture, Le Pont d'Argenteuil was torn in half and urinated upon
Read full storyLil' Wayne Arrested After Concert
Hip-hop artist Lil' Wayne has been arrested after a concert in Idaho, and charged with being "absolutely talentless", authorities have said.
Read full storyAntiwar Ron Paul Has Breakthrough
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -The antiwar message of Ron Paul is breaking out into the mainstream with massive popularity and multimillion dollar contributions, thereby raising the ire of his warmongering opponents.
Read full storyFBI States "Joy Crimes" on the Rise
WASHINGTON, DC -- The Federal Bureau of Investigation has reluctantly published a report outlining the rise of "joy crimes" across the country, especially in inner cities and suburban areas.
Read full storyCeline Dion Blamed for Teen Suicide
SAN JOSE, CA -- Fifteen year old Larry Baxter desperately wanted to be cool but knew he never would be because of his unnatural attraction to the music of Canadian diva, Celine Dion, and that is why he killed himself last weekend, according to the te...
Read full storyRepublicans Have Kinkier Sex Lives
BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Researchers at Indiana University's Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction have released the results of a fifteen year sex study that shows that while people who typically vote Democrat appear to have a l...
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