Republicans Have Kinkier Sex Lives

Funny story written by Zack Matheson

Monday, 8 October 2007


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BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Researchers at Indiana University's Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction have released the results of a fifteen year sex study that shows that while people who typically vote Democrat appear to have a lot more sexual intercourse than registered Republicans, Republicans tend to engage in far kinkier sex acts.

Professor Louise Schultz states, "It's almost like Republicans can't get it up unless they're role playing. Games like 'Bill and Monica' and 'Tell Me I'm God' are very popular with the ultraconservative right-wing. We've found that the more right-wing and conservative someone is, usually the nastier his or her sex life is. The behavior usually stems from all the pent up anger and aggression associated with feeling like you're morally superior to everyone."

Mel Martinez, Chairman of the National Republican Party, was in his personal dungeon and could not be reached for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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