National Anthem to be Privatised

Funny story written by Candice Hitler

Monday, 8 October 2007

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God Save Our Anthem?

For centuries gangs of unemployed, shaven-headed men have stood with pride to mumble selected words from 'God Save The Queen' at international football matches, but this longstanding tradition could soon come to a swift end if government plans to sell off the anthem are approved.

There has been much outside interest from record labels looking for a bite of this national pork pie. Sony BMG have plans for ex shelf stackers 'Atomic Kitten' to do a more 'raunchy' rendition of the tune, with production coming from gothic beanpole Marilyn Manson. Scene stalwarts Polydor have also tendered a bid for Gareth Gates to do a rap interpretation of the 16th century classic. However it is Universal's offer of the Queen herself entering the studio to record a jaunty two minute dance music 'remix' that has caught the nation's attention. When quizzed about her vocal talents Her Majesty remained tight-lipped, although she did confess to secretly being a fan of Fatboy Slim.

This is not of course the first time the anthem has been covered. The Sex Pistols shot to mediocrity in the 1960s with their take on it and the nation is taking this potential break from tradition as a sign of changing times.

One industry insider told us that the new commission may also be played in various languages to reflect the multi-cultural Britain of today. Some have argued that this proposal will mean the pre-match renditions could last up to six hours, with versions being played in everything from Turkish to Braille.

Mr Brown is expected to issue a full, yet dull, press release on Saturday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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