'Pity the poor old CIA man assigned to monitoring satirical websites' says UK top cop
New Scotland Yard, SW1 - (Ass Mess): "It's a tough job and we pity the poor CIA bastards that have to do it," said UK top cop Sir Ian Blair today at a London conference dedicated to the monitoring of internet sarcasm, parody, kitch, sat...
Read full storySuperdogs being bred in Ireland
A Swedish lab operating as a "research" facility recently opened in the Middleton area amongst growing concern with locals. Since the highly private complex opened in 2003, the terrier population has dropped radically from 675 in 2003 to ab...
Read full storyBush Administration Bible Blunder
Sources within the Bush administration speaking on condition of anonymity, revealed today that a Bible presented to The President on 9/12/2001 by the US Department of Faith was i...
Read full storyBush Administration Bible Blunder
Sources within the Bush administration speaking on condition of anonymity, revealed today that a Bible presented to The President on 9/12/2001 by the US Department of Faith Department of Faith Mission Statement was in fact one of several misprints slated for disposal. The Bible is reported to have contained only The Old...
Read full storyCENTCOM Opens Base in Africa After $30 Billion Funding for 'AIDS' Program
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Africa - CENTCOM, the organization that President Bush created from which to command the military for his New World Order, is opening a base in Africa. This comes after President Bush authorized $30 Billion to fight AIDS there...
Read full storyQueen cancels all engagements after losing entire year's Civil List handout on Epsom Derby
Windsor Castle - (Ass mess): Queen Elizabeth has cancelled all engagements after betting the entire 2007 Civil List handout on the Epsom Derby by backing 16/1 shot Strategic Prince on the Blue Riband showpiece today.
Read full storyBush 'treated for depression' since Blair resignation announcement
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): President George Bush is said to be receiving 'deep tissue colonic irrigation therapies' to combat growing depression following the recent resignation of his Whore on terra pal Tony Blair.
Read full storyBP-Affiliated Corrupt Bastards Suspected in New York Airport Terror Plot
New York, NY - (Ass Mess): BP-affiliated Corrupt Bastards Club ringleaders are being sought by the FBI after four suspects were arrested today following a failed attempt to sabotage a fuel pipeline at JFK International in New York.
Read full storyBlair laughs off 'imminent arrest' rumors
Pretoria, South Africa - (Ass Mess): As he boarded his official plane for the return journey home to London from South Africa today UK Prime Monster Tony Blair scoffed at persistent press questioning that he faces 'imminent arrest' when he la...
Read full storyMI6 Declassifies Documents on Bush's Changing Position on Global Warming
London, England - After six years of denial by the Bush's administration, handpicked scientists appointed to tow the official White House policy line that denied global warming ever existed, MI6 documents exposing how Bush changed his mind about...
Read full storyHarry Potter and The Sex, Dugs and Rock and Roll
Millionaire Author JK Rowling shocked fans last night by announcing her plans to "Sex Up" her award winning Harry Potter series.
Read full storyFour people bill a health insurance campany
NEW YORK - Four people billed a health insurance company for 20 brain operations that were never performed on them, sometimes for the same person on multiple occasions, authorities said.
Read full storyDairy Cow leads coup in Colombia
The troubled Latin American country of Colombia was left last night in a state of disarray as a small Dairy cow, born in the Channel Islands, lead a successful Military Coup, deposing of the current leader.
Read full storyKatie Holmes: I'm Ready for More Kidding the Public
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Speaking from the studio set of her next movie 'Made Money' actress Katie Holmes has told reporters she is ready to publicise the next plotlines about her marriage just in time to up the ante on her pre-nupt with movie...
Read full storyBig Brother Style Contest for 2009 UK Elections
British MP's were left reeling today after Tony Blair, current Prime Minister of the UK, announced major shake ups were on their way for the forthcoming elections.
Read full storyConflicting Stories on Cal-el's T.B. Cause New Conspiracy Theory Debate on YouTube
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - "The Internets" - Cal Jennings was detained under claims that he entered the U.S. illegally when suffering from T.B. Now, after TheSpoof.com revealed that Cal Jennings is really Cal-el and that he doesn't need a...
Read full storyHarry Potter You're Nicked My Son! - Boy Wizard In Chokey After Bender
Boy Wizard, Harry Potter, is today waking up in Azkaban having fallen foul of the Hogshead police after a drunken binge to celebrate his quoits victory.
Read full storyUSA Is Losing "War on Terror"
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- The USA and its allies are losing the "War on Terror" says Defense Secretary Robert Gates.
Read full storyEngland 1 Brazil 1: McClaren Swears On TV
England manager Steve McClanger confessed last night that he had always been a fan of David Beckham, and said that he thought he was "the best player the world had ever seen". There was a s...
Read full storyStupidly obvious news reports on the increase.
London, AssPress-: It has been noticed by various media watchers that the intelligence level of the average news story has declined of late in an effort to keep up (or down) with the ever decreasing attention span of...
Read full storyIndia warns Iraq with Cold War rhetoric
The cold war days are back, yet again. Both for the superpower status and for the super-backward status.
Read full storyBilly Bob's Family
My grandson, Billy Roy Joe Bob, snuck into mah white lighnin' agin. I jest kain keep that grandson o mine away frum tha still.
Read full storyCoronation Street Star Les Battersby To Be New James Bond
The Coronation Street star Les Battersby has been confirmed as the actor chosen to be the new James Bond. The news comes close on the heels of Battersby's sacking from the soap after abusing fans...
Read full storyHefty women with arms like tree trunks head west, lonely losers left back.
Europe - Bloomburgerandfries - The former East Germany is being drained of sturdy young lasses, leaving an underclass of thick as pig-shit men behind, a study says.
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Addicted to Sex & Beverly Hillbilly Heroin
BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA (PIXLEY GAZZETTE) --Lindsay Lohan, 20, strung-out & drugged-out starlet has checked into Britney Spear's old alma mater, The Promises Rehab Center by the Sea for Losers in Malibu. Loser...
Read full storySteroids to be Allowed for MLB Players
Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced today that Major League Baseball will abandon all drug testing and will allow athletes the use of any and all performance enhancing substances. "The athletes are all doping up behind our backs anyway", Sel...
Read full storyMan hen-pecked to death
MEXICO (International Herald Tribune) - A middle-aged Tijuana man died Friday while cleaning the bird pen at a local petting zoo.
Read full storyBush Pushes For New International Currency
(MUSICMAN PRESS) "He's at again I tell ya; Bush is a dangerous man, and we need a more realistic leader in office. Let's lose the lunatic," said Fox News reporter Sean Hannity, once he learned of Bush's new economic plan.
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Throwing Frisbees at the Sun
Los Angeles - Lindsay Lohan, the cute young thing that sings and acts, was spotted yesterday throwing Frisbees at the sun. Other celebrities spotted included Tommy Lee and David Hasselhoff, engaged in activities of slightly lesser importance.
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