Washington DC - (Ass Mess): President George Bush is said to be receiving 'deep tissue colonic irrigation therapies' to combat growing depression following the recent resignation of his Whore on terra pal Tony Blair.
Bush, 61, has been told that as an ex addict and alcoholic he cannot take any narcotic medication for the condition 'because it would blow the top of his head off and maybe start a new war, with Iran'.
So the White House chief physician has advised the President to undergo a rigorous internal detox to 'flush out any depressive toxins' lingering in the lower gut.
This is to be followed by a magnetic ray treatment while he sleeps which will de-programme what the White House shrink calls 'depressive behavior' such as kissing babies in public, smiling too keenly at the cameras and waving frantically anytime members of the public are nearby.
"There are a number of non-narcotic remedies we could also try," medical sources confirmed today.
"Many of these would necessitate rubber sheets, manacles and a mandatory two week vacation for the First Lady.
"Failing that, mild electro-convulsive therapy is a last resort."