Billy Bob's Family

Written by Cal Jennings

Saturday, 2 June 2007

My grandson, Billy Roy Joe Bob, snuck into mah white lighnin' agin. I jest kain keep that grandson o mine away frum tha still.

That granson uh mine makes me reel proud. He's in the Jr. Natsi republican league down at the Antioch Baptist Church. They're teachin' him how ta shoot them liberuls reel good! They's been usin pictures of Ron Paul as a targit, an he gits him right betwixt thuh eyes dern near every time! I'm reel proud uh that boy! He's mah wife's daughters boy, ya know. He's gonna grow up an' marry his cousin jes like ah did. He'll make a reel gud Natsi Republican. Them Libocrats been callin' us Neocons. I ain't no Neo, whutever that means... I guess con is rite cuz I wuz cunvicted of chicken theivin' an' ballot stuffin', but that good ol' feller Nazi Republican Mexican judge Alberto Gonzalles fella dun let me off thuh hook since I wuz supportin' his party an' all. I guess all wetbacks ain't bad. Ah shore am glad thuh presidint signed that National Continuity Policy inta' law combinin' National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive an' givin' him absolute power over all of it. I feel more safer already! It shore is nice fer him ta do that fer me and the NRNC, or jus thuh RNC fer those who don't like thuh word Nazi in frunt. They's afraid it'll give away thar new progressive image. Sum o them boys, they just ain't dedicated like I is.

Boy, howdy. Ya ain't supposed ta say nuthin' bad cause it hurts George Bush's feelings. When you hurt George Bush, you hurt America; and when you hurt America, you hurt the troops. And when that happens, Tinker Bell's light goes out and she dies.

Here's mah friend fixin to shoot a Libocrat. (pic of guy with shotgun)

Here's a picture of mah cousin Earl. (Reble with cigar)

Here's mah cousin Ethyl. She's a BIG Bush fan! (Cousin Ethyl)

Here's my friends at thuh Natsi Republican Headquarters (Friends at NRH)

Here's mah sistur Jolene (Jolene), Billy Roy Joe Bob's mother.

Here's mah other sistur, Betty Ray Sue (Other sister). She's a real keeper!

Billy Roy Joe Bob is helpin me with mah family bizness (family business)

I wuz usin this still (still3_300) but the Republicrats wuz so thrilled with mah corn squeezins, they bought me this one (New Still).

Here's a pictur of Billy Roy Joe Bob's parents gettin' married. (Hillbilly wedding)

and here's a picture of thar weddin' cake (Hillbilly wedding cake)

Me an' mah wife's been havin sum problems, so I figgerd I'd take care uh her reel gud! (Billy Bob's Wife)

Since I dun got thuh contract to make moonshine fer the RNC, I bought me this here yacht (redneck yacht). Them Republican fellas what's in thuh Whithouse said it wuz too small fer them ta git on, so they gave me sum money an' I got this one (Billy Bob's new yacht).

Them Republicrat fellas is reel nice. They bought me a sattelite dish fer mah outhouse (Outhouse)
and I got a motorhome sos I could campaign fer 'em.

Here's ol' glory wavin' proud an free! (Rebel flag left) Whoops, I got it flyin backwerds. Looks like the left hand doesn't know what thuh right hand is doin'. (Rebel flag right)

I wuz disabled when mah still blew up last time, and them Libocrats said I shud go on wellfare, but ah don't take no handouts. I told this here Republican fella when he wuz takin' a sip o mah moonshine, and them Republicrats got me a job werkin fer a billboard company (Billboard) but I wuz skared uh hites, so they got me a job with the road department (Billy Bob's Road Sign)

Mah wife wuz so pleased, that she made me this here burthday cake (birthday cake)

Well, ah better git back ta mah still. I got a hole butload o white litenin' ta git to the Nazi Republican campaign headquarters. The fellers at the RNC jes luv mah white lightnin! (thumbs under arms) Ah's hopin ya'll liked thuh picturs of mah grandkids. Don't ya'll fergit now. Don't make no mistake an' vote fer that Ron Paul feller. He's one o them Libocrats in wolfs clothing. Like mah granpappy used ta say, the only dead Libocrat is a dead Libocrat!

Watch Billy Bob on his Family:

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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