CBB Danielle Trumped!
Danielle Lloyd, known globally for sullying the air of Channel 4's Celebrity Big Brother, has been dumped by her former model agencies!...
Read full storyGod Charges Bank Administrator Twenty-Five Dollar Late Fee For Not Dying On Time
Heaven - Seventy-five year-old Wilson Masters, a retired bank administrator, was charged a $25 late fee after living a full three months later than God, and doctors, had expected.
Read full storyJamie Oliver claims healthy food is UNHEALTHY
In a remarkable change of heart celebrity chef and school dinner campaigner, Jamie Oliver, admits that healthy food can seriously damage your heath.
Read full storyBritney Spears and Michael Jackson To Co-write Parenting Book
(New York--NY) The Time-Warner center was packed with journalists as Time-Warner CEO Richard Parsons, no relation to Alan, announced, with both Britney "You know what I'm packin' down under" Spears and the quickly jetted in Michael...
Read full storyUS Vows To Kill All Penguins - "They just look like they're planning something all the time," Says Bush
Washington DC - President Bush announced today that he would make an even bolder move in the fight against terrorism by killing "every penguin everywhere on this planet."...
Read full storyEveryone On Earth Opens Bible At Same Time - World Suffers From Largest Dust Storm In History
Kansas City, KA - In a freak, coincidental phenomena everyone on earth opened their bibles at the exact same time, creating the largest dust storm in the planet's history. Scientists are baffled by two things: How everyone on earth could decide to...
Read full storyYankee's British Wife Always Has To Bring Up Revolutionary War When Angry
Fairbury, NE - Fredrick Coleman, 27, has grown "sick and tired" of his British-born wife, Helga, always bringing up the Revolutionary War whenever she gets angry at him.
Read full storyMuslims protest at 'Where's Wally? Mohammed edition'
Riots are spreading throughout the Middle East as more and more protests are made at the publishing of an edition of 'Where's Wally?' featuring the prophet Mohammed.
Read full storyBAFTA Nomination For Cockney Parsnip
Officials from the BBC finally announced that a parsnip has been shortlisted for this year's BAFTA awards in a controversial new series in which all the parts are played by root vegetables. The series which was originally aired on Radio 4, takes...
Read full storyLetterman Snaps
Clutching agitatedly at the rapidly thinning tuft of hair on the front of his head, David Letterman pronounced in the middle of last night's show, "I can't take it any more!"...
Read full storyAstrologers tell Cherie: get laid one last time
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Leading international stargazers have given a stark piece of advice to UK Prime Monster Tony Blair: "It's over. Finito. Kerput. Adios. While the going is still good."...
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe Full Frontal Nudity
Daniel Radcliffe, better known as wiley wizard Harry Potter has stunned audiences by appearing in the play Equus. A Tale of a young man with an eye for a fine fetted filly.
Read full storyCelebrity Big Racist show launched
London - (Rotters): Channel 4 TV has confirmed that it is reacting to immense public demand by launching its very first Celebrity Big Racist show next month.
Read full storySchoolyard penis aerial-shot smashes Hubble camera
Southampton, UK - (Rioters): A giant penis etched in 2005 with weedkiller on the lawn of a boys' secondary school has accidentally tripped the US Department of Homeland Insecurity's pornography surveillance filters aboard the giant Hubble telescope,...
Read full storyReports of Hazing Hamper al-Qaeda Terrorist Training Camp Recruiting
Osama Bin Laden and other suspected al-Qaeda leaders are reportedly concerned about recent drop-offs in terrorist training camp recruits due to reports of hazing.
Read full storyHow to spot if you are welcome in Quebec
Herouxville, Quebec - (Rotters): A family of six Asian immigrants has said it first got a vaguely spooky feeling of cold and distant neighborly attitudes early last year when they arrived in the tiny, quintessentially Quebecois town of Herouxville -...
Read full storyLord Levy arrested yet again.
It's been a bad week for Lord Levy. New and disturbing allegations have been made against Tony Blair's personal fund raiser Lord Levy.
Read full storyAnother Sighting Of Bradley Walsh North Of The Border
Pint-sized cock-en-ee funny man, Bradley Walsh, has been spotted again this time in Glasgow. And if the reports are confirmed then this will be the third time inside two months that the diminutive gagster will have appeared in public.
Read full storyWorld to End in 24 Hours
Tony Blair has just announced to the country that the world is to come to a dramatic end in less than 24 hours.
Read full storyLennox Lewis To Return To The Ring
Reality TV giants, Endemol, have come up with the ultimate Saturday evening prime-time TV show. It's called a round with Lennox and will be hosted by Ant and Dec.
Read full storyJade Goody's vagina says 'I am not a racist but Jade is'
The vagina of Jade Goody has spoken to journalists for the first time and has sensationally claimed, "I am not a racist but Jade is."...
Read full storyUnderperforming Schools Lead to Heely Deaths
Barnet's worst-performing school faces closure unless it stops forcing kids to wear deadly Heelys so they can complete homework quicker, Ofswot said today. Heelys look like trainers, but they have powerful je...
Read full storyPeyton Manning Pledges to Be in Even More Commercials if Colts Win Super Bowl
Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, a regular in television commercials for products ranging from Sprint to MasterCard, said during his Super Bowl media day interview that he looks forward to doing even more commercials if the Colts win.
Read full storyShilpa Shetty to Star in Eastenders
It is official and it has been confirmed that Celebrity Big Brother winner Shilpa Shetty is to take on a role in long running popular soap Eastenders.
Read full storyRed Riding Hood fears for life
It emerged earlier today that Little Red Riding Hood is said to be fearing for her life after plans to reintroduce wolves into Scotland.
Read full storyStudent's Scam Is Making Him A Packet
Skint student, Gavin Flangebiscuit, has come up with a way of making himself a few quid and he's sure that the scheme's a surefire winner.
Read full storyCelebs at Red Nose Day Official launch
Today saw the 'cream' of the self obsessed and self styled comedy greats gather today at the foot of London Landmark 'British Airways London Eye' where staff were on strike today.
Read full storyBritney Isn't News For A Day
Shocked fans of Britney Spears gathered outside her homes reeling at the sad news that their idol is yesterday's news. Fears that Ms Spears has run out of things to do, and that people no longer find her...
Read full storyLessons I Have Learned from My Son
I seem to have a stubborn streak in me that wants to do everything without asking the man upstairs for help. In my opinion, God really does not care if I have corn, peas, lima beans, or green beans with dinner, so I should not waste his time asking. Generally, minor sniffles or 24 hour bugs do not require religious blessings, fasting by family members, or hours spent on my knees; these petty tri...
Read full storyJade Goody Beheading Foiled
Twelve men have been arrested and charged under the Terrorism Act in Birmingham after a plot to kidnap a member of the public was uncovered this morning.
Read full storyShilpa Sherpa named Ambassador of peace in Iraq after becoming new face of organised religon
Tony Blair and George. W. Bush have given the go-ahead for Celebrity Big Brother winner, Shilpa Sherpa, to bring her message of peace and understanding to the people of Iraq.
Read full storyFormer England Football Star In Airlift Drama
Dramatic scenes were witnessed this morning following an incident involving former England Football legend and Disney superstar David Beckhan at his Beckingham Palace home in Hertfordshire, Bucks.
Read full storyReady, Steady, Riot - BBC Gardener's Awards Kicks Off
There were ugly scenes at last night's BBC self-congratulatory event, 100 Years of BBC Gardening, when a gang of rebel TV chefs mounted the podium, and demanded the release of their lead...
Read full storyWelsh People can Speak English!
When Danielle Lloyd in her own defence against accusations of racialism claimed to be of "mixed race" heritage, being partly Welsh, the whole Welsh nation rose up in uproar denying any connection with the former beauty queen.
Read full storyDeath Row - The New Reality TV Show
In another attempt to reduce the prison population, the Government has signed a deal with Channel 4 to run a new reality show.
Read full storyStarbucks Worker Gives Birth to Tiny Dwarf
Starbucks, the mighty coffee emporium famous for copyrighting the words coffee and cup so no one can use them, are now involved in a bizarre case where a worker gave birth to a baby that even the mo...
Read full storyYorkshire man creates microcosmos in his potting shed
Yorkshire pensioner, Fred Cocksplodge, is a man with an unusual hobby. For twenty years now he has been fiddling with the laws of nature and has now revealed that he has created his own fully operational cosmos.
Read full storyNew BBC Logo 'Looks Like a Bong'
The BBC, obsessed about its dull image, has come up with a new logo, and it looks like a bong pipe. Last year, the BBC's new fat controller stood outside Broadcasting House for twenty minutes, and drew on extensive knowl...
Read full storyLesbian Lohan
Hollywood actress Lindsay Lohan has been reportedly dating fellow actress Hilary Duff.
Read full storyRadical "New Style" Programmes Set To Come Your Way
The production company behind Big Brother is soon to unveil a new concept in TV programme making.
Read full storyMattel release 'Slut' and 'Ho' Barbie as doll gets 21st Century makeover
Barbie has certainly been up against some tough competition recently with interactive video games on the rise and those usurpers of the dolly crown 'Bratz'.
Read full storyKids TV Shows Look Set For Strikes
News is reaching us today of wild-cat strikes breaking out in the world of kiddie's TV. Postman Pat, the shop steward of the National Union of Kidshows , told us:...
Read full storyJapanese Moms Use Dirty Diapers to Teach a Lesson
The Japanese health minister has apologized for referring to women as "birth-giving machines," but he didn't escape punishment for his pronouncement.
Read full storyCliff Richard Releases Christmas Single
They say Christmas gets earlier and earlier with each year that passes. But for one man, it's coming especially early this year!...
Read full storyCelebrity Big Brother Slugs In Rehab
In the aftermath of the Big Brother debacle, ex-housemates Jade Goony, Joe von O'Mira and Lloyd Daniel have all checked into a rehab clinic together.
Read full storyMuff Diving to be Olympic Event In '08
Olympic officials have announced that Muff Diving will be included for the first time in the 2008 Olympics in Bejing. Guiseppe Puseatero, leading advocate for the sport since the Rome games of 1960, was overjoyed: "Finally those narrow-minded am...
Read full story12 year old boy becomes youngest transsexual
A 14 year old boy in Germany has become the world's youngest transsexual.
Read full storyMcCain Renames Campaign Bus: I'll Kiss Your Ass!
Former Independent Thinker and Presidential candidate, John McCain has changed the name of his campaign bus from the "Straight Talk Express" to "The Ass Kiss Local".
Read full storySuper Bowl Half-time Show to Involve Human Sacrifice
Forget the wardrobe malfunctions this year, Super Bowl Half-time Show planners have decided to do the Roman Coliseum show inspired by the hit HBO series Rome.Ceremonies will be opened by Tyrranus Limpissimus, the fool formerly known as W. When the li...
Read full storySlow But Steady McCrone on the Rise
From the London Times to the US National Enquirer,political writers have begun to take notice of the frontrunners in the contests for leadership in the colonies and in the colonial power of the UK.
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