Mattel release 'Slut' and 'Ho' Barbie as doll gets 21st Century makeover

Funny story written by Breeze

Wednesday, 31 January 2007

image for Mattel release 'Slut' and 'Ho' Barbie as doll gets 21st Century makeover
New Barbie range will appeal to kids and adults

Barbie has certainly been up against some tough competition recently with interactive video games on the rise and those usurpers of the dolly crown 'Bratz'.

Makers of 'Barbie', Mattel, have admitted that profits have declined over the past four years and claim that a new report has shown children find the Barbie range outdated and passe.

Heading up the report is Dr Heinz Shuttlecock, who concluded, "Our research has shown that children have become much more discerning in their choice of doll and more mature in their outlook. They no longer simply want to play 'dress up' but have toys with an attitude and that reflect real life situations. To that end, we have decided to produce a new range of 'Barbie that will appeal to this new generation of grown-up kids."

The new range will include 'Slut Barbie', which comes complete with a leather mini skirt, halter top and crotchless panties and for the American market, 'Ho Barbie' clad in sky blue tracksuit and trainers with her own fully adjustable crack pipe.

Mattel also say, that if the range is successful, they will be releasing 'Bondage Barbie' and 'Battered Barbie' which will be sold along with 'Enraged Ken'.

"I'm very excited about this new line of dolls" said Mattels' CEO, Oliver Pint, "We are also developing a new range of action men, which I hope will be popular with young boys. With the Iraq war, children are being turned off the idea of playing with soldiers so we have decided to provide them with an alternative."

The new action figures will include 'Bradford Bob' which will be sold with a 1979 Ford Escort containing a hammer and screwdriver in the boot.

"Bradford Bob, will be a talking action figure," said Oliver, "And will repeat the phrases, 'My wife doesn't understand me' and 'God told me to do it, you bitch!'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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