They say Christmas gets earlier and earlier with each year that passes. But for one man, it's coming especially early this year!
Cliff Richards, the ageing Indian crooner, is to release his annual tired Christmas single later next month - ten months early!
It's a reinterpretation of the old classic "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" - Cliff warbling with a festive choir in tow - with his tired "Summer Holiday" as the B-side.
EMI executive Richard Honk said "We tried to get him to wait until at least August, but he said that he needs the loot. The record's a joke. Anybody could have whipped it together in their bedroom, but his fans are so gullible, they'll buy anything."
Cliff, real name Donny Osmond, was once married to former British tennis star Sue Barker, until they split acrimoniously over a disputed line call. She never got over it, and when he later apologised, and promised to sing at her funeral, she vowed not to die.
Whilst he was watching the tennis at Wimbledon in 1996, play was interrupted by a shower of rain, and Sir Cliff as he is now known, decided to "sing" to keep the crowd entertained. This plan backfired when dozens of supporters demanded their money back, and the singer was banned from attending future tournaments.
Cliff will be 104 this year, and has had 88 number 1 hits in Britain between 1922 and 2002. He then had to take an enforced break when sources close to Miss Barker said he had contracted gonorrhoea.
The new single will be released on February 22nd.
Please don't buy it.
