Written by Breeze

Wednesday, 31 January 2007

image for Yorkshire man creates microcosmos in his potting shed
Fred's universe

Yorkshire pensioner, Fred Cocksplodge, is a man with an unusual hobby. For twenty years now he has been fiddling with the laws of nature and has now revealed that he has created his own fully operational cosmos.

"T'were an 'obby, tha' know," said an obviously chuffed Fred, "I staarted wi' only an' andful 'o' planets an't grew fromt' there. Matter an' anti-matter were fairly easy but creating life itself were raaght tricky"

Fred says that he keeps his miniature universe in the potting shed and has rigged up a system to ensure that it does not grow too large and destroy our own cosmos.

Scientists, however, are sceptical of Fred's security system and claim that, if his cosmos does expand, it could destroy all life as we know it in a cataclysmic big bang.

"I keeps it in 'an old cornflakes box," says Fred reassuringly, "But I always keeps t'lid on tight."

Fred's wife, Beryl Cocksplodge, is less enthusiastic about his hobby and says she wishes he spent more on the garden, rather than being a God.

"E's always down tha' bloody potting shed," she told reporters irrately, "Destroying micro-civilisations wi' fire an' brimstone an' sending plagues to unbelievers. I won't 'ave the bloody thing 'int hause."

Top scientist, Professor Stephen Hawking, told us, "I don't think it is a good idea meddle with the laws of physics like this and a cornflakes packet sound a little flimsy to house something a powerful as a universe."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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