Starbucks, the mighty coffee emporium famous for copyrighting the words coffee and cup so no one can use them, are now involved in a bizarre case where a worker gave birth to a baby that even the most politically correct doctor described as a tiny dwarf.
'This baby is the size of a coffee bean,' said Dr. Stoneage Hillfort. 'That can't be no coincidence. If I was that employee, I'd be looking at some compensation, and quick.'
Ms. Ira H. Ghander, had worked at the downtown Starbucks for two hours when the coffee bean-sized baby emerged.
'Ah was mighty relieved,' said Ms. Ghander. 'Ah'd been down on my luck.'
The company will use a crack team of legal experts to fight claims by the woman that she was forced to work twenty-four hour shifts in close proximity to coffee beans impregnated with fertility drugs to make them go further, and that these fertility drugs somehow led to the freak dwarf. Dr. Hillfort:
'There's gotta be something in that.'
A spokeperson for Starbucks: 'If she didn't use protective gloves provided, she ain't got no chance. Now get out of here.'