I, ET McCrone will build the Dental Dam!
New front-runner and only candidate for the post of PrezMimister,leader of the USUK, has proposed the building of what he is calling "The Dental Dam".
Read full storyI, ET McCrone will wear a gas bag!
Candidate for PrezMinister, lift operator ET McCrone, has made a campaign promise to wear a gas bag until election day and if elected for his entire unknown term of office (unknown since there has never been a PrezMinister, leader of the USUK), I,ET McCrone will collect all of my methane. And believe me, just ask the future Mistress of USUK,McCrone's proposed title for the PrezMinister's...
Read full storyThousands Protest War in Washington March
An unnumbered group of people estimated at over 50,000 marched on Washington to protest the war in Iraq and attempt to force the government to bring the soldiers home. This was the largest anti-war march in Washington since the anti-Vietnam marches...
Read full storyPorn and Pancakes Breakfast Draws Celebrities
A church in a small New York town that intended to have a pancake breakfast denouncing porn has had the opposite affect. When people read that there was a "Porn and Pancakes" breakfast at a local church, things begin to get out of hand. Within fi...
Read full storyColumbian Coffee King Juan Valdez Found Dead in Field
Columbian Coffee King Juan Valdez was found dead in his coffee bean fields last night. While many thought Valdez was just a caricature created to sell coffee by an American syndicate, he was a multi-billionaire who leaves behind a huge estate and a...
Read full storyJolly Green Giant Faces Paternity Test
There is no happiness tonight in the valley of the Jolly (ho, ho, ho) Green Giant. The big guy has been sued for child support and is facing a paternity test tomorrow. The suit was filed on behalf of exotic dancer Mandy "Boom Boom" Mancini and her...
Read full storySad PM On His Way To Skid Row Tries Flogging Kitchen Appliances
In what's being seen as an unprecedented step, Prime Minister Tony Blair, has put an advertisement on eBay and is seeking to sell a Hotpoint washing machine and a Sharp microwave oven.
Read full storyPresident Unable to Identify Human Brain
While visiting school children yesterday in Delaware, President Bush was showing pictures to the students to assist the teacher. One picture was nor readily identified by Mr. Bush. As he took a second, then third look at a photograph of a human bra...
Read full storyPope depressed after being dumped by internet satire sites
Vatican City - (Rue Uterus): Pope Ratzinger is said to be suffering from encyclical depression after being dumped by internet satire sites following his well-publicised rant last November that everybody was poking fun at his Nazi origins and defaming...
Read full storyLightening Does Strike In The same Place. It's Official
Hapless Hampshire farmer, Jed Bread, was today wondering what he's done to bring on such a spell of bad luck.
Read full storyKatie Holmes Cruise Turns Down $2 Million Dollar Batman Sequel
Katie Holmes has turned down a $2 million dollar offer to reprise her roll in the upcoming Batman Returns sequel, The Dark Knight. Citing scheduling conflicts as a reason, the woman who has not made a movie since before her pregnancy and marriage sa...
Read full storyDowning Street search warrant to target sewers
London - (Rioters): Police investigating the cash-for-peerages scam have applied for a warrant to search Number Ten's secret cable complex which runs via the subterranean plumbing network installed by 19th century engineering genius Sir Joseph Ba...
Read full storyFlorida Girl Gets Settlement in Topless Jumping Jacks Case
Last year, a Florida teenager was found in a compromising in her car with an older teen boy. The arresting officer had her get out of her car and forced her to do topless jumping jacks for him. In the ensuing legal process, the policeman was fired...
Read full storyNew Beijing Tesco slammed for selling cats, dogs
London - (Rotters): UK food retailer Tesco came under repeated criticism today after reports found that its newly opened Beijing store is selling frozen cats and dogs alongside the usual supermarket items like crackers, condoms and tomato ketchup.
Read full storyCasting for Pirates 3 Go Haywire
The Popular Movie Saga Pirates of the Caribbean was having auditions for the third movie At Worlds End for the part of Captain Sao Feng Yun-Fat Chow (I know what you're thinking were his parents high? We'll never know) got the part after a fu...
Read full storyPainting of Britney Spears Displayed in The Rotunda of U.S. Capitol
The photos of Britney Spears getting out of a limo panty less have become immortalized and American symbols for bald capitalism and individual freedom. Writers for Spoof International found a painted rendition of one of the now famous photos hanging...
Read full storyParis Hilton has Breast Reduction Op!
Paris Hilton, the skinny, boobless, airheaded heiress, whose sole contribution to world culture is the exploits of her vagina, has had a breast reduction operation.
Read full storyConstruction work begins on Paris Hilton
There was confusion today, as a new wing was due to be built onto the Paris Hilton hotel in downtown Paris. But builders misunderstood and have begun assembling scaffolding on Paris Hilton, the skinny talentless heiress.
Read full storyScience Fact: Living is Bad for Health
Scientists at Camford University have discovered irrefutable evidence that 'to live', that is the state of 'being alive' could in fact be bad for you. Extensive research on a whole multitude of volunteers of all ages and from all back...
Read full storyBeckham in Creationist Museum ad promotion
Los Angeles - (Rotters): LA Galaxy football team's latest recruit David Beckham has signed a multi-million dollar deal to promote the Kentucky-based Creationist Museum and will appear on its advertising hoardings as Old Testament character Mr Ona...
Read full storyUnrepentant Jo is Black
Jo O'Meara, unrepentant, world renowned 'Indian bully' and recently evicted Big Brother housemate has revealed to the world that she was indeed herself 'a black woman'. Faced with harsh criticism over her behaviour with fellow ho...
Read full storyLoose moose goose sues
Pennsylvania - (Rioters): A wanton elk is at the center of a Fayette lawsuit today as student Ms Amy Walters prepares to sue her university for negligence following a biology examination incident when the hunting trophy allegedly leapt from its wall...
Read full storyBin Laden claims 9/11 was 'intended as leaflet drop but went horribly wrong'
Osama bin Laden has released a new video to the Al Jazeera television network, in which he sensationally reveals the real reason for the 9/11 attacks was not malicious, just incompetent.
Read full storyAir Travel Banned Shock
In a new move intended to save the planet, member states of The United Nations have met and decided to ban all air travel henceforth.
Read full story"American Idol" Producers Force Simon to Sing For His Supper
NewZ~Dirt says that American Idol judge Simon was forced by FOX management to don a pair of hot pants and without backup singers or music perform Tina Turner's 70's hit, Proud Mary. Paula Abdul reportedly remarked af...
Read full storyFormer Ace Of Spades Hellraiser Goes Legit
Hellraising bassist and vocalist with heavy metal merchants Motorhead, Lemmy, is today cock-a-hoop at having secured the Conservative Party's nomination as prospective parliamentary candidate for Ashby de la Zouche.
Read full storyGolf Legend Voted Out of Big Brother Amidst Mental Scenes
Angry scenes last night at the Big brother house as golf legend and two-time Major winner, Mark O'Meara, was voted out of the troubled show amidst a sea of cat-calls, boos and talk of racist slurs.
Read full storyLast Non-Dysfunctional Family in America Falls Apart
For the last three years the Petersons of Monmouth, New Jersey have had the proud distinction of being the only non-dysfunctional family in America. With a blissful marriage, well-adjusted kids, and no feuds in sight, they were the envy of their nei...
Read full storyThe Golden Toad Awards
Yes Reader's its that time again Toad Fever I, Ace Ventura went to the Hilwhore Hotel in L.A where I, Ace Ventura met up with celebreties from all over the world My first interview not suprisingly is with the overrated over televised Brad Armpitt...
Read full storyCracker's sue Pothead
After some major cover up breaking I discovered what really happened in the World Court House last week famous spoof character Harry Pothead was being sued by a family of stoner's for selling them bad crack now normally all of them would have been arrested had it not been that Pothead was a fictional character and teh Cracker family was the Clinton's Didn't anybody wonder why Bill Clin...
Read full storyWill the Spears Saga end?
Welcome Readers I, Ace Ventura JR am reporting on the birth of Britney Spears' twentythird baby this one was named Oragon their collection of babies named after United States locations grow ever larger proud father Kevin Federlinesays he is considering giving up rap to go back to Pizza Hut the couple now weigh individually...
Read full storyBush Admits to Masturbating
In an unusually candid interview this afternoon President George W Bush, an outspoken opponent of pornography, admits that he masturbated once when he was younger.
Read full storyUN Announces Important Date Line Meeting
The United Nations' Geographic Sciences Council (UN-GSC) has announced the location and dates of its upcoming forum on the International Date Line. The council will meet in Lisbon, Portugal, during the week of 4 - 8 June, 2007, to discuss propos...
Read full storyChelsea Striker Diddles Mourinho and Management
Didier "The Diddler" Drogba, Chelsea Striker, claimed yesterday that Jose Mourinho and angry management were bringing the team down.
Read full storyTyrranus Rectum enlists because of Rome miniseries
George W Bush, who has been heavily influenced by the HBO mini-series Rome so much, that he changed his title from President to Tyrranus Rectum, has taken it a step forward.
Read full storyKen Livingstone Re-zones Downing Street
London Mayors Office- London Mayor Ken Livingstone, who has at various stages been associated with nicknames such as "Red Ken", "Commie Ken", "Nazi ken", "the only mayor in the world with a foreign policy" and...
Read full storyWho Gave Episodes of The Simpsons to YouTube?
The Fox television division has subpoenaed YouTube to get the name of the user who uploaded episodes of The Simpsons, but maybe the network should be checking its own headquarters.
Read full storyBeelzebub found working for London Borough of Hackney
Vatican City - The bells of churches around the world are ringing this evening after a long hard investigation led by the Holy See and Cardinal Poirot has identified Beelzebub, the patron god of the Philistines and the evil Demon of all fallen angels...
Read full storyCLDT Technicians say Laura's moved for the 1st X
The same advanced medical device, Computer Long Distance Technology (CLDT), that diagnosed VP Cheney's explosive diarrhea at Bush's State of the Union is now reported to have been focused as well on first Lady Laura's Bush while she sat p...
Read full storyHell freezes over, Satan orders ice skates
Hell Central - In this year of strange global weather changes, the unthinkable has happened. Severe weather has gone beyond the globe into what is known as the earth's outer darkness or what is more commonly referred to as "Hell".
Read full storyBush Continues War Support; Answers May Be Found In U.S. Capitol Prayer Room
Critics of the president's war strategy in Iraq and other cowboy "diplomatic" measures said an answer to the partisan way that he has conducted politics may be found in the prayer room of the U.S. Capitol in Washington.
Read full storyPorn discovered on No 10 email system
Drowning Street - (Rotters): Police probing a secret cash-for-honors email network used by the Prime Monster and his staff to conceal their whoring for the Bush Administration have stumbled on a covert porn matrix which ensured all Labour Party cash...
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