There is no happiness tonight in the valley of the Jolly (ho, ho, ho) Green Giant. The big guy has been sued for child support and is facing a paternity test tomorrow. The suit was filed on behalf of exotic dancer Mandy "Boom Boom" Mancini and her son Ralphie.
"Yeah, my kid is his son. Just look at him; he's fifteen foot tall and just barely out of diapers. He's green. I mean, it's pretty obvious, ain't it?"
When asked how the relationship developed, Mancini said "What relationship? He picked me up at my club and took me out into a field. He asked if I like to eat cucumbers, and then he slipped me the celery. I felt like I was getting squashed, he was so large. His asparagus farts, howeve, kind of killed any romantic mood; I had to charge him double because of those."
When asked how a five foot, six inch woman was able to handle intercourse with a sixty foot giant, Mancini laughed. "He may be a huge man, but he had a little string bean. You'd also expect watermelons, but it was just a couple of little dangly peas on the side."
"I already know by boy inherited bigger size from me, cuz I've changed the diapers and seen the difference. He's gonna make some woman real happy when he grows up!"
The Giant declined to be interviewed by this publication. When asked to describe the woman bringing about the suit, he did look at the camera and give his trademark laugh. "Ho, Ho, Ho," was all he had to say.
