Didier "The Diddler" Drogba, Chelsea Striker, claimed yesterday that Jose Mourinho and angry management were bringing the team down.
"The record speaks for itself!", The Diddler exclaimed, referring to the rash of recent losses. "I know that Jose wants Chelsea's support but even a superstar like him can't aspire to a disgraced President's daughter. Do you know the queue of bloody bullocks lined up for a lady with that pedigree-a damn aggressive mum and a pop who can't keep his John Thomas in his britches! Aye,when they call me a Chelsea sriker, all I say is:"From your lips to God's ears!".
Meanwhile Chelsea team management were livid. Sir Jon Longblade Thomas was quoted in one of the London Rags: "I'll be no panderer for no southern European trash. Let those lazy Latins chase their own tail! Chelsea Clinton, my word!"
Chelsea herself was unavailable for comment, Hillary was out horseback riding in preparation for her new Cavalry post in Iraq and Bill was out being Bill...
