Last Non-Dysfunctional Family in America Falls Apart

Funny story written by Dan Barash

Saturday, 27 January 2007


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Not as happy as they look.

For the last three years the Petersons of Monmouth, New Jersey have had the proud distinction of being the only non-dysfunctional family in America. With a blissful marriage, well-adjusted kids, and no feuds in sight, they were the envy of their neighbors and a curiosity to psychologists.

Unfortunately that has all fallen apart and the Petersons are now just as miserable as the rest of us. In the space of one short week Bob and Lois Peterson separated due to adultery, seventeen-year-old daughter Julie announced she has become a Pagan, and fifteen-year-old son Roger was arrested for stealing a car he planned to sell to pay for his sex-change operation. Four-year-old Charlotte is now the only family member who isn't a candidate for intensive therapy.

The previously happy Lois kicked Bob out of the house when she discovered he was having an affair with her sister as well as her best friend. Possibly at the same time. Bob now spends most of his time smoking pot and staring at his "New Jersey's Most Normal Man - 2006" award.

The Peterson's neighbors are thrilled they no longer have to live up to their impossibly high standards. "Now I don't feel so bad about my kids hating me and my online porn addiction," said one. "Hey, you're not going to print his are you?" he added.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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