"We Believe!" DNC Press Release Highlights New Progressive Faith
For Immediate Release: Our opponents often boast of their faith and their belief in God. But progressives too have faith, a better and more inclusive faith that embraces science and modernity. For those progressives who have too often been accuse…
Read full storySatan to Open a New Circle in Hell for Evangelicals
SHEOL—Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the new Press Secretary for Satan, announced today that the Dark Lord is opening a new circle in Hell, specifically for the overflow of Evangelicals who have been flooding His underworld domain ever since the 2016 electi…
Read full storyFive Ways To Tell You've Already Had Covid-19
The Coronavirus, Covid-19, continues to spread, and the worldwide number of infected cases continues to rise. Doctors say that, even after almost nine months of having to deal with the virus, their knowledge is extremely limited. Incubation per…
Read full storyMean Old Man Loses His Voice By Yelling At 'Covid-19 Detourers' To Get Off His Grass
We've all encountered them-- the nasty, ornery old guys that can't stand it when you get anywhere near their front lawn. And now one man in the suburbs has lost his voice by yelling at so many 'Covid-19 Detourers', that he's been forced to use a meg…
Read full storyGwyneth Paltrow Named US Surgeon General
WASHINGTON – Actress Gwyneth Paltrow has long been a proponent of alternative healing, as seen in her online shopping website, goo.com. Now, she will be able to take her message to a much larger audience, as she prepares to be sworn-in as the US Surg…
Read full storyRussian Sleeper Agents Aiding Trump Reelection Campaign: Schiff to Investigate
Adam Schiff announced today that he is launching an investigation to determine the extent to which Russia sleeper agents are interfering with the 2020 elections. Schiff has learned from ex-FBI director James Comey that the mayors of Portland, Chicag…
Read full story"Puppy Girls" licking up $ ten grand a month!
(NOT EDITED) Latest craze to hit social media is earning young girls buckets of money! In fact, they are 'barking' at the possibility of posting their kinky videos on Tik Tok and being 'influencer's', which in turn brings in mega-bucks! The latest…
Read full story"This Is Donald Trump Calling..."
Donald Trump is short on cash, and he's making telephone calls soliciting money for his re-election campaign. It seems he raised $1.1 billion for his campaign, but now he’s down to a mere $8 million. There are two more months to go before the electio…
Read full storyHank Williams Jr. Says If Donald Trump Was A Woman He’d Marry Her
STALE BISCUIT, Tennessee – (Satire News) – The country music singer who, some years back, fell off a mountain and survived is back in the news. Hank Williams Jr. spoke with Entertainment Tonight and said that he recalls the day when he fell off Mt…
Read full storyThe NFL Announces That It Will Prohibit Cardboard Cut-Out Fans in All NFL Stadiums
NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) - The NFL commissioner has informed the news media that, unlike Major League Baseball, he will not allow the placing of cardboard cut-out fans in NFL stadiums. Commissioner Roger Goodell stated to the press that Cor…
Read full storyMeghan Markle and Prince Harry Receive Season Tickets From Los Angeles Rams Coach Sean McVay
LOS ANGELES – (Sports Satire) – ESPN-5 is reporting that the former Royal couple Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are both walking on Cloud 9. Los Angeles Rams Coach Sean McVay, who recently met Harry and Meghan at an In-N-Out restaurant, really enj…
Read full storyDemi Lovato and Brad Pitt Spotted Together in a PDA by the Hollywood Sign
LOS ANGELES – (Satire News) - A reporter with Hollywood Innuendo wrote that he spotted singer Demi Lovato and actor Brad Pitt engaged in some PDA (public display of affection) by the world-famous Hollywood sign. For decades, the area has become a…
Read full storyKamala So Nasty Parents Tied A Pork Chop Around Her Neck So Dog Would Play With Her
BILLINGSGATE POST: At a rally in North Carolina this evening, President Trump told his followers that Kamala “Breath” Harris would be an “insult” as first female president. Earlier in the day, in an interview on CNN, Harris said that she was so p…
Read full storyNoddy Holder Spelling System Will Help People To Read
There was good news for those who experience difficulty in learning to read this week, when it was announced that an entirely new system of spelling the English language is to be introduced, developed by the ex-Slade frontman, Noddy Holder. Holder…
Read full story