Nation Traumatized by Cancellation of Second Trump Biden Debate; Millions May Need Counseling
Washington - The news that Donald Trump has refused to take part in the second debate with Joe Biden because the town hall format has been moved online, thus reducing his opportunity to disrupt, interfere and drown out the arguments of his opponent.
Read full storyThe Fly That Pronounced The Trump Presidency Ding-Dong-Dead
During the first and last vice presidential debate, a fly, Randolph, settled and nested on top of Vice President Pence’s head, bounced around as though looking around for something - maybe bugs, termites, dry rot - settled down, took a nap, then woke…
Read full storySnake Fell Out Of Tree Onto Man's Head
There was mild panic in southeast Asia this morning when a man walking to work was the victim of an aerial attack from a snake which dropped out of a tree onto his bonce, scaring the shit out of him. Although we are not able to effectively communi…
Read full storyNew Watch Performs Well On First Day
A man who was obliged to buy a new watch so that he could keep abreast of what time it was at any hour of the day or night, says that the timepiece had "performed well" on its first day, and that he had no complaints. Moys Kenwood, 57, purchased t…
Read full storyHollywood Caught Digging Up Celebrity Corpses
An unnamed Hollywood studio has been busted attempting to dig up the bodies of several dead 'stars', including Steve McQueen, Judy Garland, and Robert Shaw. It's thought that the studio wanted McQueen for a Magnificent Seven sequel, Garland for a…
Read full storyUtah Health Department Searching for Insect Exposed to Visitor Who Attended COVID Spreading Maskless Events in Washington D.C.
Salt Lake City - After a visitor from a COVID-19 hot spot in another state was seen in the area participating in an indoor political event, local health authorities became alarmed when a fly apparently ignored the plexiglass, social distancing rules…
Read full storyWhite House Says Virtual Debate Rules "Totally Unfair" to Rude Heckler Who Attended Last Event
Washington - After the Commission on Presidential Debates decided that the next debate scheduled for next week would only take place in a virtual format, President Donald Trump declared that the new arrangement would be completely unfair to him, as i…
Read full storyDutch pancakes voted flattest on the planet!
(NOT EDITED) Scientists with nothing better to do than find blackholes in the universe, very Nobel, have turned their attention to more earthly matters, not dark. In an attempt to find out which pancakes are the flattest, not the planet, they studied…
Read full storyPerl 6 nerds committed Rakudocide
M’assachewsucks Instantstink of Technerdery - The Tech Rebuke According to our source, Eek Campus nerd Rodney Slidrule, an entire class of Course 6 students at MIT have abandoned civilnerd society and moved onto Amish farms in PA. “It was th…
Read full storyThe Vice-Presidential Debate Was Boring, The Moderator Sucked, and A Big Fly Peed on Mike Pence’s Head
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah – (Satire News) – The Vox Populi News Agency stated that the television vice-presidential debate clearly showed that Vice-President Pence is just as much a jerk as “Baby Fingers” Trump when it comes to not following the establish…
Read full storyMitch McConnell Finally Admits What Everyone Already Knew
SKUNK SPRAY, Kentucky - (Satire News) – TMZ recently spoke with Senator Addison Michelle McConnell, and the senator revealed what 97% of all Americans already knew. McConnell, who is 78, but looks 98, finally admitted that yes, he is indeed “Trump…
Read full storySpain’s Greatest Matador El Gazpacho is Gored in Madrid
MADRID – (Sports Satire) – Spain’s national news agency Las Pelotas is reporting that the nation’s greatest matador, Joaquin Beauregard Gazpacho, has been gored in Madrid’s Eva Longoria Bullring. Las Pelotas stated that El Gazpacho, was momentaril…
Read full storyA Wyoming High School Basketball Game Is Stopped Because One of The Parents Refused To Wear a Mask
BUFFALO NIPPLES, Wyoming – (Sports Satire) – The Pocatello Gazing Gazette reports that a high school game in the town of Buffalo Nipples, was halted at the beginning of the first quarter. Buffalo Nipples High School officials stated that the fathe…
Read full storyThe Washington D.C. Health Code Inspector Says The Coronavirus-Infested White House is Going to Have to be Demolished
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Washington Globe-Express is reporting that the Washington, D.C. health code inspector has just inspected the White House from top to bottom. Hoyt Tullyweiser, told the Globe-Express that he found traces of CO…
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