Dutch pancakes voted flattest on the planet!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 8 October 2020

image for Dutch pancakes voted flattest on the planet!
The Dutch plug holes in dykes brilliantly and their pancakes are simply the flattest; is it a wonder?

(NOT EDITED) Scientists with nothing better to do than find blackholes in the universe, very Nobel, have turned their attention to more earthly matters, not dark. In an attempt to find out which pancakes are the flattest, not the planet, they studied several versions from all over the planet.

Indian chapatis, similar to pancakes, were disqualified because they deform when bunged into hot oil. American pancakes, typical, are much too thick, stodgy, fatty, sugary, and smothered with maple syrup. Hence, too many huge butts created by masses of pancakes consumed instead of sugar-free muesli, or healthy veggie, fruity smoothies, so they were disqualified too.

Arabian or Moroccan flat breads, apart from heat bubbles in their pancakes, landed high up the charts, but could not quite hack the 'numero uno' position because they are made secretly with females wearing masks, very sensible these days, and the ingredients they use are not classified as pure-organic because their goats could pee on the dough, and they eat anything in their path.

German and Brit pancakes were blown away because they were soggy like Welsh mountains and the Black Forest where it always rains, and they were doused with fake lemon juice, too much sugar, and German bacon, AAGH!

French crepes were not entered; too skinny, see-through, tasteless, and a total rip-off! Mexican versions were disqualified because they insist on rolling the damn things into shapes quite unacceptable as pancakes. They resemble hot-chili-peppery-ice-cream-cones! No chance.

Number One in the 'Flat Pancake Charts' was of course, Holland! Because the landscape resembles their marvelous pancakes. Many of their females are flat as pancakes. Dutch males are all always tall and skinny, hence flat. Tires on their millions of abandoned bikes are flat too. In addition, the humor there is as flat as their pancakes. Last not least, they top their ultra-flat pancakes with delicious, healthy, non-sugared apple syrup, Dutch cheese, and fresh fruit!

Scientists declared it was a no-brainer after devouring and measuring pancakes from all over the planet and confirmed the fact, that 'Dutchies' are simply the flattest, and taste the best; Godverdomme!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more