Man Opened Tin Of Beans Using Hammer And Chisel
Tins can sometimes be difficult to open, and people often use various odd things to open them that aren't specifically designed for that purpose. And so it was with one man at the weekend when he tried, and failed, several times, to open a tin of...
Read full storyMan buying wardrobe on Ebay shocked to find it leads to Narnia
Lee Bridgewater, a local plumber in Chutney on the Fritz has revealed that the wardrobe that he bought on eBay a couple of weeks ago leads to Narnia. He explained: 'I bought the wardrobe for my wife Tracy, as she likes olde-worlde things. I would...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Diagnosed With Terminal Katsaridaphobia: Future Uncertain
BILLINGSGATE POST: Harry Maguire has vowed never to play again at Old Trafford until the cockroaches infesting the locker rooms have been equipped with safety helmets. As reported yesterday by crack reporter Monkey Woods, the Manchester United defen…
Read full storyAdam Schiff caught taking "matters" into his own hands
Washington, DC - Last Thursday at the House Intelligence Committee hearing for acting DNI Joseph Maguire, Adam Schiff opened the session with a contrived, slanderous, and defamatory interpretation of the actual phone call between President Trump and...
Read full storyA run-down house passed over for Homes Under the Hammer
Stan Bridgewater, a run-down semi-detached in Rotherham is sad that for the fourth time in a row he has been turned down for a starring role in Homes Under The Hammer. Wanting to appear on the show with Dion Dublin, and the other chap with unruly...
Read full storyDeep State Cockroaches Come Out Of The Wall
BILLINGSGATE POST: Squishing cockroaches is not a job for a gentleman as refined and exquisitely educated as Dr. Billingsgate. But someone has to step on the bastards, before another generation of the despised insects inbreed with each other and t...
Read full storyDonald Trump's Index finger suing due to over-work
Donald Trump's right hand index finger is to sue the small-handed, stone-cold loser Donald Trump for over-use. The angry digit, speaking in a far more statesmanlike way than its owner, said: 'Every time he wants to make another one of his moronic,...
Read full storyUnshaven Nectarine Fears Being Impeached
A self-described low-hanging fruit who prefers the natural look, a nectarine named Nick allowed a bit of fuzz to appear on his normally smooth skin, and says that he now fears being impeached. "Nothing against peaches, of course, but that would ju...
Read full storyObesity Linked To Diet Choices
A study into the causes of obesity has concluded that the condition is almost certainly linked to whatever sufferers have stuffed down their gullets. The five-minute study undertaken by four men in a west Hull pub found that excessive bingeing on...
Read full storyMelania Trump Revealed to Be the Actual Whistleblower
Mar-A-Lago, FL In a breaking story, it is revealed that First Lady, Melania Trump, was the person who leaked about improprieties in her husband Donald Trump's phone calls to the President of the Ukraine. She mentioned the extortion threats made by h...
Read full storyHouse Of Commons Gunpowder Stash Discovered
Police in Westminster have, this morning evacuated the House of Commons and the area around it, after a suspicious amount of gunpowder was discovered in a basement room of the building. The explosive material was packed into 36 beer barrels. Th...
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