Man Opened Tin Of Beans Using Hammer And Chisel

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 28 September 2019

image for Man Opened Tin Of Beans Using Hammer And Chisel
Chisels are useful things to have around the kitchen

Tins can sometimes be difficult to open, and people often use various odd things to open them that aren't specifically designed for that purpose.

And so it was with one man at the weekend when he tried, and failed, several times, to open a tin of baked beans with a conventional can-opener before resorting to violence.

Moys Kenwood, 56, had the surprise of his life in Battambang's Lucky Supermarket, when he saw some tins of Heinz Baked Beans, and bought three tins, despite the extortionate price.

Once home, he rooted-out a can-opener, and tried to plunge the sharp prong through the tins circular lid, close to the rim. The lid dented, but would not allow the prong to penetrate. Several more attempts also failed.

By now, the tin was a little 'worse for wear', and the beans inside must have been concerned. Another can-opener was located, this time one of those that you fit onto the tin in a sort of horizontal position, wedge it into the rim, then keep turning the little handle to ease the implement around the tin. The tool would not grip. Stalemate.

Kenwood was now very peckish. Looking around, he saw a hammer, and had an idea. He went upstairs and sought out a chisel, and dinnertime was back on again!

As he smashed his way into the beans, he licked his lips, and imagined himself relaxing naked, in a bath full of beans, but decided to save this idea for a later date.

The chisel easily went through the by-now softened-up lid, and into the orange morass below.

According to the protagonist, from that point on, things went relatively smoothly, aside from having to get rid of a few black bits of muck that had come off the chisel.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more