The Four Horsemen Of Liverpool Ride Again
BILLINGSGATE POST: Outlined against a blue-gray September sky, the Four Horsemen rode again. In biblical lore, they are known as Famine, Pestilence, Destruction and Death. These are only aliases. Their real names are Wood, Firmino, Mané and Alexand...
Read full storyHarry Maguire To Participate In General Election
Harry Maguire, the 26-year-old Manchester United centre-half, who became the costliest defender in the world when he signed for the Old Trafford club from Leicester City, has announced he will stand as an independent candidate against Boris Johnson i...
Read full storyBoris Johnson Admits That He Is A Right Cunt
In an extraordinary impromptu press conference held outside 10 Downing Street just minutes ago, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has said that he doesn't want a snap General Election, Britain will leave the EU on 31 October, and that, without any shadow...
Read full storyPope Stuck in Elevator--Now Understands Purgatory
At an impromptu news conference, Vatican Spokesperson Alessandro Gisotti explained to an overflow crowd of reporters that Pope Francis was late to celebrate Sunday mass due to an elevator malfunction. Gisotti went to great length to say the Pope was...
Read full storyTrump Suggests Downgrading Hurricanes To Prevent Them Becoming Bigger
Donald Trump apparently forgot that two hurricanes that have been 'on his watch' reached Category 5, when he said, "I've heard of Category 4; I didn't realize that Category 5 was a thing!" "No, I don't see why we are allowing hurricanes to reach C...
Read full storyNew Position Offers Unique Combination of Boredom and Stress
While many working Americans complain that their jobs are boring or stressful, a newly-posted position on job networking site Indud.web offers a unique combination of both boredom and stress. "It's a rare opportunity for people to really push them...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Suspended Indefinitely For Playing With Inflated Balls
BILLINGSGATE POST: Harry Maguire, the most expensive defender in world football, has been suspended after Manchester United fought to a 1-1 draw with lightly regarded Southampton yesterday. After challenging his team to improve their performance...
Read full storyBoris goes to the dogs
Downing Street is now the home of another furry four-legged hound who needs castration - besides Boris Johnson. The new prime minister has taken a break from ripping up UK democracy to get a pet dog. Dilyn is the name of the Jack Russell terrier.
Read full storyPETA Protester Trampled, Eaten by Pigs
Illinois farmer Jake ("Boss") Hogg was out walking his dogs early Monday morning, when he made a startling discovery. "It was awful quiet in the paddock. I couldn't see my hogs anywhere, so I walked the dogs around the perimeter of the fence.
Read full storyTrade War with China Causes Trump to Increase Immigration from Mexico
In a bizarre turn of events, two seemingly unrelated issues, Mexican immigration to the US and Chinese-USA trade negotiations, are now intertwined with results that were completely unpredictable just last week. According to White House officials, US...
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