Boris goes to the dogs

Monday, 2 September 2019

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Dictators love dogs for their unquestioning obedience and loyalty

Downing Street is now the home of another furry four-legged hound who needs castration - besides Boris Johnson. The new prime minister has taken a break from ripping up UK democracy to get a pet dog.

Dilyn is the name of the Jack Russell terrier. He is likely to shit all over the house while one of Boris's junior members of staff runs after it with a poop-a-scoop trying to clear up the mess - a perfect metaphor for Brexit.

Rather like Brexit, the first Downing Street dog will divide the country again. Cat-lovers are already asking where Larry the Downing Street cat will go. Cats have lived as mousers in Downing Street since 1929, as the residence is famous for its rodent inhabitants. Vicious, sharp-teethed vermin with a ferocious appetite, prime ministers have infested the property for centuries.

Political analyst Geoff Jefferson suggested that the reason for Boris getting a dog is to increase his popularity before a potential snap election. Although he is positioning himself as a ruthless dictator who doesn't respect the rules of parliament, he can always point to his cute furry companion (not Carrie Symonds) and say "Look at the doggie!". That should gain the votes of gullible dog-lovers throughout the country.

Jeremy Corbyn is considering getting a pet ferret, but has previously said that he believes pet ownership is a form of slavery. He may need to find something else small and furry to show the country to improve his election chances.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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