PETA Protester Trampled, Eaten by Pigs

Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

Monday, 2 September 2019

image for PETA Protester Trampled, Eaten by Pigs
They don't get this fat just by eating vegans!

Illinois farmer Jake ("Boss") Hogg was out walking his dogs early Monday morning, when he made a startling discovery.

"It was awful quiet in the paddock. I couldn't see my hogs anywhere, so I walked the dogs around the perimeter of the fence. On the far side, where you can't really see it from the house, I found that the fence wires had been cut. And, not teen feet away, I spotted what seemed to me like human skeletal remains, along with a pair of Crocs, a hemp dress, and a crystal-beaded necklace -- oh, and a pair of linesman's pliers."

"Now, I've heard of tree-hugging vegan PETA freaks cutting fences to let the animals run free, but I never thought they'd target my farm. You see, I don't run no large scale factory operation; I just raise a few dozen hogs a year, mainly for my brother-in-law's restaurant. He swears that free range pork is the best, and what with the ways he cooks it, I can't argue."

"Anyways, the local sheriff has already conducted his investigation, and I'm sure my hogs will come back just as soon as they get hungry. I don't imagine that'll take long -- there ain't much meat on them vegan hippie types."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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