Town Hall Stolen - Village in Chaos
Residents of the pretty Irish village of Ardfinnian in County Tipperary reacted in shock and disbelief when their town hall disappeared. Crowds gathered around the site of the building, which had been closed down for several years following a move...
Read full storyPippa Middleton Bares Her Ass Photos
All eyes are on Pippa Middleton after her head-turning role at the Royal Wedding. Global millions were transfixed by Pippa's classy chassis as they took in the Westminster Abbey spectacular. Her Almost-Royal Litheness wowed us all with her slinky...
Read full storyCeltic Boss Neil Lennon Attacked By Mad Jambo
Celtic boss Neil Lennon was maintaining a dignified silence tonight after being attacked in the technical area at Tynecastle during Celtic's 3-0 victory over Hearts by a mad Jambo. As it stands, it isn't quite clear whether the attempted assault o...
Read full storyOsama IS Obama claims 'New Al Qaeda'
Referring to itself as a breakaway group called 'New Al Qaeda' there is a claim on an Islamic website by one of it's members that 'Old' Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden, far from having been killed recently by American SEALS during a raid at Abbottaba...
Read full storyLife Sentences: Maritime Memories
Waking once more, he took a swig of grog from the hollowed-out skull of the ship's chaplain. He gurned like an ill-tempered bulldog in the ferocious sunlight and stared at the cork life-jacket lying at my feet. Scratching his chin with the rusty hook that served as his left hand, he turned his one good eye to me. "Have a gorilla", he rasped. But I had to decline. "No thanks", I was forced to...
Read full storyLiverpool skipper Steven Gerrard determined to reclaim Premiership in 2012
Steven Gerrard won't be knocked down. He told reporters that Liverpool is definitely on the way back up. Obviously if Manchester United do win the cup this season it will mean a 19th title for them over Liverpool's 18. Gerrard was holding back...
Read full storyBarcelona Secure La Liga With A Stunning 1-1 Away Win At Levante
Champions League finalists Barcelona this evening secured their 21st La Liga title with a stunning 1-1 win away at Levante. Fans in the stands were left on the edge of their seats as Barca lookalikes and tribute team, Levante, just basically hung...
Read full storyCity Banker Robbed
It has been reported that top city banker John Farrington, CEO of Barkwest Bank was brutally robbed of his wallet last month. Mr Farrington was leaving the main entrance of the bank's city headquarters in order to go to lunch, when he was accosted...
Read full storyFormer JPL Scientist Arrested After Setting Ex-Wife's Home Ablaze with Billion Dollar Laser Satellite
Pasadena, CA. - An unemployed physicist with over twenty years of experience working for the Air Force and the Jet Propulsion Laboratory on top secret projects was arrested this weekend after breaking into the JLP computer network and deliberately se...
Read full storyWilliam & Kate Honeymoon Secret Revealed
The honeymoon destination of Prince William and Kate, Duchess of Cambridge has been leaked, much to the embarrassment of Buckingham Palace. While every official effort was made to keep their venue a secret, the public relations officer of an inter...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Admits He'd Buy Lasciviously Luscious Nina Dobrev A Cheeseburger - Could Romance Be On The Cards?
Twilight and Water For Elephants star, Robert Pattinson allegedly admitted in an off guard moment that he would almost certainly be willing to buy sultrily sexy Vampire Diaries star, Nina Dobrev, a cheeseburger, and perhaps a coffee too. Pattinson...
Read full storyNoel Deals A Blow To TV Watchdog
Celebrity beardy bloke, Noel Edmonds, was thanking his lucky stars this evening following a ruling that found him not guilty of misrepresentation in the presentation of his hit show, Deal or no Deal The diminutive gnome-like former breakfast jock...
Read full storyKevin Smith Internet Radio Station Causes Internet Blackout in Parts of US
May 9th, 2011 will forever be known as "The Day Network Died", in many parts of the US. Throughout the south and mid-west, web browsers and gaming consoles other than PS3s, went blank as a massive internet outage swept across the region. Famili...
Read full storySlovakian cannibal changed his mind because his Swiss victim stunk of garlic!
A Slovakian cannibal who advertised for a victim to be eaten over the internet changed his mind as his victim, a Swiss Nutter, turned up stinking of garlic. Most cannibals like their meat fresh, tender and without any spices or herbs attached, but...
Read full storyPippa Middleton Considers Buying A New Garden Shed
Royal watchers in the UK today revealed that it is their understanding that Royal Wedding beauty Pippa Middleton is considering the purchase of a new garden shed. Speculation reached fever pitch within the last few hours when it was confirmed that...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth's 'Got the Trots'!
Against doctors advice, The Queen, who is eighty-five, returned to the saddle on Easter Monday to go horse riding in Windsor great park. The grand old lady insisted her recent three mile jogs around the park with Prince Philip had sufficiently lo...
Read full storySaha starts rehab after ankle injury
Saha, the 32 yr. old Everton striker, is working hard in rehab. to get back to full match fitness. Saha scored 10 goals in 27 appearances and seemed to have 'sported' as main hair-colours and hair-styles, to the amusement of the crowds. He was...
Read full storyDuke of Yuk Can't Find Private Minders to Keep Princesses from Running Amok!
The Queen's recent edict cutting off private security for the Princess Uglies, Beatrice and Eugenie, is causing rising angst to their beleaguered father, Duke of Yuk, who in desperation resorted to the help wanted ads seeking private protection for...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden's nephew "happy" about his death
One of Osama Bin Laden's many nephews has revealed that he is "very happy" with the terrorist leader's recent death. George Bin Laden spoke to the media today, and described how his uncle Osama was very distant - literally as well as emotionally.
Read full storyCarlos Tevez eats Gary Neville
Rumours are rife that Argentinian gourmet Carlos Tevez has eaten Manchester United full back Gary Neville. Tevez has put on 11 stone while injured, yet seemed a lot pacier than normal when he came off the bench in last night's game against Tottenh...
Read full storyElvis Alive in Pakistan!
For the second Sunday in a row, network programming was interrupted for a news flash on May 9th. President Obama appeared on all major networks and cable TV to announce that Elvis Presley had been found alive and well in Pakistan! Obama stated, "F...
Read full storyRail Station Picks Up National Award
A local railway station has won a top award in a prestigious national competition. Travellers love Upper Appleby-cum-Lower-Diggshollow station so much they voted overwhelmingly to make it Best Local Station in the Our Railway Stations Are Really N...
Read full storyDavid Cameron invents Alternative Workers
Unemployment in the UK is rising month by month and many office workers would be happy to take a post in 10 Downing Street. However, the UK Prime Minister, David Cameron has revealed a novel solution to the problem. He creates people. A Mrs E Adam...
Read full storyUrologist, Dr. Feest-Juarize Ondispecker, Warns Of Contacting Lockjaw From Sex
In the January edition of the New England Medical Journal, Boston Urologist, Dr. Feest-Juarize Ondispecker, suggests that all men over the age of 60 who have had no sexual activity for six months or more, advise potential partners to update their tet...
Read full storyCocaine Abuse Commonplace In The Premiership
A leading drug baron who doesn't wish to be named has made the astonishing allegation that cocaine abuse is an everyday occurrence among the highly paid stars of football's Premier League. "There's loads of 'em at it," the criminal alleged. "There...
Read full storyObama Dispatches John Kerry and Jane Fonda to Lay Wreath for Osama; Patch Pakistan Relations!
Following an outcry from the government of Pakistan over the stealth incursion into the country resulting in the demise of the World's Most Wanted Terrorist, President Barack Obama announced his intention to "make amends" by dispatching Viet Nam Era...
Read full storyWexford Ends Scourge Of "Silly" Estate Names
An Irish council has established a committee to monitor the naming of housing developments. Members of Wexford County Council and interested parties from the community have produced a booklet of advice, and the committee meets weekly to discuss pr...
Read full storyFA To Breakaway From FIFA
News is filtering through which makes the astonishing suggestion that the FA is to break away from football's world governing body, FIFA. Insiders say that FA officials were initially 'exasperated' by England's failed 2018 World Cup bid, and then...
Read full storyPakistan fooled, Bin Laden often "wore a hat"
Pakistani intelligence offered their most forthcoming explanation yet for why Osama Bin Laden lived freely for years in their country. A spokesman stated that Bin Laden had at least two of those "Beer Inspector" hats and wore them whenever he wen...
Read full storyOooops! US Navy Reverses itself one day after Telling Chaplains to Perform Same Sex Marriage!
One day after revealing that Navy Chaplains must perform same sex marriages, the Navy Department reversed itself saying new information had come to light that Captain John Paul Jones and Admiral 'Bull' Halsey were NOT GAY as previously thought! Co...
Read full storyBritain's "Great" Heritage Under Threat From European Interference
We will fight them on the beaches before long, if as is being reported today, bonkers Brussels bureaucrats soon pass a new law that's on their mad agenda which will force Great Britain to drop its Great prefix by 2015. It seems that, as some woul...
Read full storyRise In The Number Of Legal Highs
A record number of new legal highs were reported across Europe by Ian Mackaskill, Europe's new drug monitor. Mackaskill was a surprise choice considering his inability to predict whether it was going to rain or not. However, he is said to take his...
Read full storyPippa Goes Commando; Leaves SAS Fans Panting!
Pippa Middleton, her svelte assets showcased on front pages of tabloids everywhere after her stunning coming out party during sister Kate's recent wedding, took time out yesterday to show her colours at a local military base. Ms. Middleton emerge...
Read full storyRome Braced For Prophetic Earthquake
The city of Rome is braced for a major earthquake said to have been prophecized by Keith Chegwin back in 1979. In a special edition of Cheggers Goes Pop the chubby scouser is heard muttering off camera "Rome will be destroyed on the 11th May 2011...
Read full storyRooney denies he is working as a pimp for EPL players
Rooney is 'fit to be tied' since he heard that a rumour was going arouind that he is 'pimp' for EPL players. "OK Arv go' a little black book like - but wo'ever. Arm no freakin' pimp. A pimp does it for cash righ'? Well alls Arv done is pass a coupla names on to me mates like a good scouser would like. No' a penny 'as changed 'ands so 'ow can A be called a 'pimp? Arm tellin' me mam and...
Read full storyPremier League Star "Didn't Have Sex With Rooney Prostitute"
An unnamed Premier League star has had his identity hidden by a super injunction amidst claims that he did not have sex with the prostitute in the Wayne Rooney case. The star, said to be a 'top name' with one of the UK's leading clubs-thus ruling...
Read full storyThe Truth Behind Blackpool's Row Between DJ Campbell and Charlie Adam
Reporters tried to get an interview with Ian Holloway but he was tight-lipped at first and didn't really went to say too much when he was asked about the row between DJ Campbell and Charlie Adam. But when pressed by the press he admitted that it was...
Read full story'Curse of the Tiger Woods SUV' as Kentucky Derby runner-up jockey Michael Baze found dead
Louisville, Kentucky - Conspiracy nuts said today the jockey's 2010 model was a dead ringer for Tiger Woods' own SUV that triggered the Elin Nordegren Night Clubbing rumpus. The 24 year-old rider was found on Tuesday, slumped behind the wheel of h...
Read full storyDiana and Fergie - The Story Continues
A video of the last moments of Princess Diana's life has been viewed in Cannes, it is claimed, whilst allegations have emerged that blood samples from someone else were used at Diana's post mortem. Apparently we cannot see the video in this countr...
Read full storyFriday the 13th Rome earthquake is Third Secret of Fatima
Rome - (Jesus Wept News): A 'spolier' prediction by cabinet-maker and amateur seismologist Raffaele Bendandi has rattled the Vatican. The wannabe seer reckoned that today, May 11th's astrological alignments would spark the Big One, razing the Eter...
Read full storyHouses of Parliament Weather Forecast for 2011
May The coalition will remain windy with occasional clouds - with slight chance to none of agreeable conditions. Low Lying members will remain througout the year. June There will be a slight chance of opposition elements starting to appear in response to the turbulent verbal conditions, interspersed with mock-sunshine periods from the coalition government. July Storms over expenses...
Read full storySarah Ferguson Speaks About Royal Wedding Snub
Sarah Ferguson has told Oprah Winfrey how "difficult" it was when she did not receive an invite to the Royal Wedding. The Duchess Of York was "extremely disappointed" not to attend one of the biggest events of the decade and she opened her heart u...
Read full storyFootballer Super Injunction sex scandal
Cardiff 'striker' John Thomas has threatened to sue The Sun over it's refusal to speculate on his sex life. The diminutive Welsh scorer claims to have shagged hundreds of women, including three of his cousins. "Unless I am named and shamed I wi...
Read full storySanta Claus Favourite To Lead Al Qaeda
Santa Claus has emerged as a strong candidate to succeed the slain terror chief Obama bin Shootin. Terrorists are said to be very impressed with his beard, which is a vital ingredient in any terror campaign. Although not a muslim, Santa does appea...
Read full storyIn A Political Marital Shocker - Former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and His Wife Maria Shriver Are Calling It Quits
SACRAMENTO, California -After being married for 25 years it appears that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver's marriage has hit the rocks. The couple started off with one strike against them when they married on April 26, 1986, due to the fact...
Read full storyLib Dems To Be More Muscular In Coalition
Humiliated Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has vowed that his party will be much more 'muscular' in government as the coalition goes into its second year. Clegg has announced a range of measures he intends to implement to demonstrate a change of emphasi...
Read full storySNP To Introduce Posh Git Tax
SNP leader Alex Salmond is set to announce a major new income generating measure as his first action since his party's landslide election victory last week. The First Minister is to announce what has already been identified as anti English legisl...
Read full story'Dancing With The Stars' Sends The Little Rapper Romeo Hip Hoppin' On Home
HOLLYWOOD - And then there were four. Dancing With The Stars has shown its latest castoff the door. The young rap singer simply known as Romeo is the latest in a long line of celebrity dancers to dance on off the DWTS stage. And not only are h...
Read full storyLegal Fight Begins Over Bin Laden Estate
Lawyers representing Osama Bin Laden's 3 wives have filed claims to inherit their deceased husband's estate. Amal Al-Sadah, Medina Al-Sawari and Kanza Al-Ahmada have all lodged claims to the inheritance of the former Al Qaeda leader. Top of the...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus' Mom and Dad Are Thrilled Beyond Belief At Her Brand New Boyfriend, Patrick Schwarzenegger
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The parents of Destiny Hope Cyrus, 18, better known as, Miley Cyrus have told their daughter that they are proud of her on her new boyfriend choice. Patrick Schwarzenegger, 17, is the son of the former governor of California Arno...
Read full storySelena Gomez and Demi Lovato Finish Filming The Episode Titled "The Attack of The Vampire Sock Puppets" With The Stars of "The Vampire Diaries" Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder
HOLLYWOOD - The fans of Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato can hardly wait to see The Vampire Diaries episode that the two singing sensations have just finished filming with the shows stars Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder. Gomez and Lovato were asked by...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Addresses The Rumors of 'Bare Skinned Snuggling' With Her 'Tourist' Co-Star Johnny Depp
PROVENCE, France - Angelina Jolie says that she cannot believe the amount of gossip that is generated regarding her, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Johnny Depp, and Piers Morgan. Jolie said that she wants to clear the air by putting some of the rumors...
Read full storyNew Study Compares Bathroom Usage of Men And Women
A new study has discovered that how a person uses the bathroom tells a lot about how they interact in the real world. "It's really quite amazing. You'd think there would be no connection, butt urine for a surprise," joked Inda Crapper, founder of...
Read full storyVideophone Giant Skype Ruined By Microsoft Less Than 24 Hours After Acquisition
In the biggest Holy sh-t tech deal since Time Warner merged with some old internet service provider --Prodigy, I think--, Microsoft is generously overpaying to buy online phone service Skype, for $8.5 billion. And they've already f--ked it up.
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