Written by Rebel Not Taken

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

image for Carlos Tevez eats Gary Neville

Rumours are rife that Argentinian gourmet Carlos Tevez has eaten Manchester United full back Gary Neville.

Tevez has put on 11 stone while injured, yet seemed a lot pacier than normal when he came off the bench in last night's game against Tottenham Hotspurs.

This can only be as a result of ingesting Gary Neville.

Fans chanted "who ate all the Nevilles" and the Pampas Bull does seem twice as ugly as normal and has developed a nasty snarl.

More evidence of the new Tevez Neville partnership?

Hungry Tevez has not coped well with the slim Roberto Mancini's culinary regime. He has clearly been less than satisfied with the facilities in the Maine Road canteen.

However, he is hoping to be fully fit for this week's Cup Final and is expected to eat all of the Stoke City team.

His agent claims Tevez has a renewed appetite for the game and is planning to return to Argentina during the close season and eat The Falkland Islands.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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