Cocaine Abuse Commonplace In The Premiership

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 11 May 2011


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Cocaine And Grass Weed This Morning

A leading drug baron who doesn't wish to be named has made the astonishing allegation that cocaine abuse is an everyday occurrence among the highly paid stars of football's Premier League.

"There's loads of 'em at it," the criminal alleged. "There's one of 'em in particular, who they call 'Hoover' because he just snorts it up like a Dyson."

Whilst there is no doubt that young professional footballers have a great deal of time, and vast amounts of cash at their disposal, an FA insider insisted that the problem was being blown out of all proportion.

"To say they're all at it like Al Pacino in that film, Scarface, is stretching it a bit. Players are regularly and randomly tested - provided they show up for the test and don't go shopping or something instead - so we'd know pretty sharpish if they were all ripped to the tits on Charlie."

Football fans in general aren't totally convinced either way.

"I don't say they're all at it," Liverpool fan Mickey MacWhack told Skoob Sports News. "But the way some of 'em play sometimes, an dat, it does make yer wonder."

"I think our mob are all on smack mate," West Ham fan Albert Irons opined. "They've played like a proper bunch of dopes this season."

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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