Written by anthonyrosania

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

image for Videophone Giant Skype Ruined By Microsoft Less Than 24 Hours After Acquisition

In the biggest Holy sh-t tech deal since Time Warner merged with some old internet service provider --Prodigy, I think--, Microsoft is generously overpaying to buy online phone service Skype, for $8.5 billion.

And they've already f--ked it up.

"Skype has emerged as the leader of what I think is a woefully unfulfilled market segment," writes morbidly obese techno-blogger Anthony Rosania, owner of TechInsteadOfChicks.web. "We hoped that Microsoft would be there to fix their hideous user interface, and integrate Skype with Windows."

"If that happened, Apple's Face Time and Google's Gtalk would fall to the wayside," continued Rosania. "Conventional telephony could have become a distant memory in 5 years."

Instead, Microsoft appears to be positioning their new product to fail right out of the (X)box.

"We welcome Skype to the Microsoft family," said Bill Gates, the Washington-based tech billionaire that still has his original liver. "As part of it's integration within the Microsoft brand, Skype will be known as 'Zune Videophone, Powered by Windows Me, Featuring Clippit the Helpful Paperclip'."

"In the 1950's, the successes of the Jet Age led prognosticators to talk of a future filled with personal Jet packs, flying cars, a wife that shuts the f--k up the first time you punch her, and ubiquitous video-telephony," concluded Rosania. "And all we have to show for it is the shutting-the-f--k-up wife."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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