How will Online Dating Sites Protect Women from Assholes?

Written by Ellie James

Friday, 22 April 2011


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Women about to make out with man before he reveals that he's an ass.

Online dating has taken a turn for the better this week when the most popular online dating site decided to screen for sex offenders. Women everywhere can applaud their efforts in trying to keep dating safe.

The online dating site, while making it considerably better, still has some work to do according to the Women for Better Dating president Ashley Pender-Wright. "It's great that there won't be any more registered sex offenders on the site anymore. However, who's protecting us from just regular assholes and douches?"

Currently, online dating sites rely on a questionnaire that has potential bachelors answer the following questions:

- Are you an asshole, an ass wipe, or any other sort of ass?

- Are you a douche, or do anything that would warrant someone calling you a douche?"

If a man answers yes to either question, his application will not be approved. They have never had a man answer yes to either question.

Women for Better Dating want to install a device that can be hooked up to a guy's computer and will analyze emails, instant messages and facebook postings. If the guy does anything remotely making him seem to be an asshole or a douche, it will record the action and from that day forward, the guy will not be admitted to dating sites.

According to Ms. Pender, about 50% of guys are either assholes or douches. She estimates that these numbers are actually higher as not every woman reports asshole actions done by the guys in their lives.

Jack Wright, president of Men for Better Dating and ex-husband of Ms. Pender-Wright was unavailable for comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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