Los Angeles, CA - Serial killer and arch fiend Charles Manson reportedly is busily fiddling around in his jail cell writing his memoirs.
The publishing company, "Bloodthirsty Junk Online, Inc." contacted him via his "celebrity serial killer cell phone". BJ, Inc. called Charlie on a whim and got through right away. They had acquired his phone number: Area Code 666- **(%($)))$666 through an unknown contact (i.e. a guard hardup for $$ sold it), and brokered the deal of the century.
Bloodthirsty Junk specializes in "alternative journalism" and have handled the exclusive memoirs of such varied individuals as Skoopash Longdire, the Romanian Cat Rapist, the insane murderess Layla Lowdown whose book, "Cooking With Arsenic" is one of their top sellers, and a gory bondage 3D comic book by some teenager wearing very thick glasses and a strange haircut from Singapore. The contact address shown at their website is a post office box located in North Hollywood, California.
"We're jazzed about getting the rights to Charles Manson's life story because the vast majority of our serial killers and maniacs are the mid-range types, like Skoopash and Layla. They're okay, but not the cream of the crop. I mean, we've been very very very lucky to have them on board with us at Bloodthirsty Junk but we've been looking to position ourselves to break into the ultra elite ranks. With Manson, our website hits and google page rank is gonna skyrocket. We've got it set up for a pre- Armageddon 2012 deadline. It'll get done even if we have to write it ourselves."
Manson denies he ever spoke with them, says he didn't do it, says he never heard of them or told them to go anywhere or do anything in the dead of night up long winding canyon roads, says he isn't going to write his memoirs but will be writing his memoirs but isn't but might, yeah, and besides, his eyebrows are really getting wild and hairy and he's picking up scary messages through his eyebrow hair that is really messing with his head, man.
