Get off your horse, and play with your Barbie
Playing cowboys and Indians has been enjoyed by children since the 1940s, but now, a toy manufacturer has been ordered to halt the production of all items having to do with the popular wild west activity. The decision was made after a five year o...
Read full storyWho you calling a Jerk, Jerk!
A lawsuit citing defamation of character, emotional trauma, humiliation, loss of appetite and sleepless nights has been filed against a man who called his neighbor "a jerk." Congress is in process of proposing a law to prohibit certain words bein...
Read full storyLetter Sent To Celtic Boss Neil Lennon
Police in Scotland are investigating an incident in which a letter was sent to the Celtic manager Neil Lennon. The letter, which was intercepted in west Scotland, was full of the kinds of things that you wouldn't want to read about yourself, and...
Read full storyChild-proof lid proves critical for elderly woman
An elderly woman nearly severed her fingers trying to open a bottle of vitamins. Bits of paper and plastic from the bottle were found scattered around her kitchen after she was rushed to the ER. Vitamins have been under the gun in times past...
Read full storyGillian Duffy to front Panorama style current affairs show
Gilian Duffy, the bigoted old woman who sent Tony Benn to sleep, put the final nail in the coffin that was Gordon Brown's political career, and carried out a half-arsed ambush of the Deputy PM, is now getting her own show on Channel 5. "Gillian Du...
Read full storyGM Stock Tanks; Obama Plans Fire Sale of Stock Prior to Election; Blames Henry Ford and Ipad!
President by Default, Barry Obama, continued his losing streak with the announcement he would be stepping down as CEO of Government Motors (GM) after the stock started to crater dropping 10% below it's initial IPO just months ago. Insiders say t...
Read full storyLibyan Fighting Intensifies: This Time Between French & English Troops Over Oil Rights!
The bizarre skirmish in Libya took a turn for the worse today and fighting broke out between English and French Troops after Khaddaffy said he'd cut a special deal over oil rights to which ever Country backed him in his fight to retain power. Twen...
Read full storySex Doll Prostitution Ring Broken Up By Detective Posing As Mannequin
It was bound to happen sooner rather than later. Las Vegas Assistant District Attorney, Yvette Oranco, announced today that her office of Dummy DA's infiltrated a prostitution ring made up of voluptuous run-away silicon dolls. With the Vice-Squ...
Read full storyDiscovery Institute accidentally propose evolution by natural selection
The Discovery Institute, the headquarters of militant wing of the Creationist movement, Intelligent Design, have accidentally proposed evolution by natural selection. William Behe, the man behind irreducible complexity (that postulates if you take...
Read full storyFamous Discoveries in History
Scientists at the University of Michigan have discovered a magnetic property of light that could be used to generate solar power, possibly opening up new fields of cheaper and more efficient energy sources. Let's look at some other famous discoveries over the years. 175,000 B.C.: Correlation between having oxygen and not dying established. 1492: Christopher Columbus discovers America. And b...
Read full storyCharles Manson, 72, admits to the world he's an evil bastard?
Mass murderer, self acclaimed son of Satan (plenty of candidates for that position) and quite insane lifer, Charles Manson, has admitted to the world that he's still an evil bastard (so what's new?)! Back in the sixties Charles and his gang of hip...
Read full storyCroquet Ban Called For Over Leg Breaking Incident
Recently at a Sunday afternoon play off of the Men's Annual Croquet Tournament, three men emerging from the club lounge tripped and fell over separate wickets, causing each of them to break a leg. Politicians are now studying a proposal to enact...
Read full storyMan With World's Longest Penis And Woman With World's Largest Vagina To Go On Night Out With Man With The World's Shortest Penis And Woman With World's Smallest Vagina
The match-up that all the world has been waiting for - the men and women with the extremes in cocks and snatches - is to finally happen next month in New York, when the man with the world's longest penis and the woman with the world's largest vagina...
Read full storyThe Queen Planning to Die to Stop Wedding
In a last ditch attempt to save the Nation from the perils of 'an ordinary woman' as a future Queen, the current democratically elected hereditary monarch, is giving her all to block the deal. William has called her threat 'Blackmail' but there is...
Read full storyToxic oak processionary moth wreaks havoc with Middleton coat of arms
Bucklebury, Berks - Recently hatched Thaumetopoea Processionea larvae are rampaging through acorns sprigs adorning the newly forged Middleton family coat of arms. Their toxic setae - or heirs (sick) - are taking just seconds to construct communal...
Read full storyCharles Manson Says We're All Doomed - So It Must Be Right
Giving his first prison interview in 20 years, convicted killer Charles Manson has warned the entire human race that we'll all be doomed if we're not extremely careful. "We keep chopping down the trees, eating the birds, poisoning the bees, and bu...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Children of Wootton get a wall
Two years after taking away the play equipment in the rec just off Gamble Lane in Wootton, the council have finally relented to people-pressure to return facilities to the park. What they have provided is a wall. "It's a nice wall," said local...
Read full storyDoctor Who's Mid-Season Break - TV Repair Man Accuses BBC Of US Style Scheduling
Doctor Who returns to the UK's screens this Saturday but fans are warned not to settle in for a 13-week series of adventures featuring the Time Lord and his pals. The BBC plans to show seven episodes from this week and the remaining six in the aut...
Read full storySuBo fanatics get confused!
A gaggle of American Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies had to be escorted to hospital earlier after spending over an hour talking to a SuBo waxwork. The fanatics, aged between 95 and 122, couldn't understand that it wasn't actually S...
Read full storyWho Do You Think You Are? Or as I call it, Who The F…k Do You Think You Are?
I am a very successful person in my own right, to the extent that I gave birth to myself back in 1974, in the back of Fiat, I wasn't driving at the time. My Grand father was born in a one bed roomed tenement, his mother had 54 children by the time she was twenty-seven. Fifty eight of her children went on to be millionaires. The rest joined the church. Times ware hard they were starving most of...
Read full storyPolice snipers given permission to shoot spectators at royal wedding.
Specialist teams from Scotland Yard have told the government that stalkers and 'royal fanatics' pose a bigger threat than terrorists at the royal event in London on 29th April, and as a result of the warning all armed security police on royal duty wi...
Read full storyWant to keep your iPhone screen clean? There's an app for that
One of the biggest bugbears of iPhone users is the finger marks that the touch screen is left littered with, but now Apple have released the applelet iNoTouch. "I've had every version of the iPhone," said App World editor Buck Macintosh. "I've bee...
Read full storyMatt Willis To Join Eastenders
Ex 'Busted' Star and all round good guy Matt Willis is set to join the cast of Eastenders in a move that is hoped will really boost viewing figures. The popular celebrity, who has now failed in both the Music Industry and Television presenting, wi...
Read full storyBNP wrong-footed by AV and spend a fortune by mistake
A red-faced Nick Griffin, erstwhile leader of the British Nazi Party, admitted that he was wrong-footed with the announcement of AV simply because he didn't read the small print. It has ended up costing his party a fortune in now-useless posters a...
Read full storyScientist Discovers Everyone In Show Business Is Related
New York - After testing DNA samples on 15 celebrities, a scientist in New York City has discovered that virtually everyone in show business is genetically related. This biological phenomenon explains why most people who "make it big" in show biz g...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Pittsburgh Steelers Wide Receiver Hines Ward "Scores" Big With Partner Kym Johnson
HOLLYWOOD - There are now only eight dance couples left on Dancing With The Stars after boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard got "Knocked Out" last week. This week's best score was attained by the team of Hines Ward and Kym Johnson. The dancing duo rec...
Read full storyHugh Hefner Picks A New Blonde
Hollywood - Playboy founder Hugh Hefner has reportedly contacted Westwood Memorial Cemetery in Los Angeles with a bombshell request: he no longer wants to be interred next to sex goddess Marilyn Monroe when he goes to that big hot tub in the sky.
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth Orders The Royal Family Physician To Inspect Kate Middleton for Any Intimate Tattoos
LONDON - Queen Elizabeth is a stickler when it comes to Royal protocol. She has instructed the official Buckingham Palace physician, Dr. Hamlet "Say Ahh" Fickleberry, 97, to physically inspect Kate Middleton for any tattoos that she may have on her b...
Read full storyU.N. To Address Humanitarian Crisis In London
The United Nations and a host of major international charities are meeting in Zurich to discuss the increasingly dire humanitarian crisis unfolding in London in the wake of the FA Cup semi finals. Both lanes of the M1 were closed over the weekend...
Read full storyU.S To Change Air Traffic Control Rules
In the wake of reports that air traffic controllers at Miami and Washington airports fell asleep while on duty, the U.s authorities are to issue stricter guidelines within the next few days. The Federal Aviation Administration are conscious of the...
Read full storyChurch Of England Crackdown On Sham Christians
The Archbishop of Canterbury is to issue new guidelines to clergy in an effort to reduce the number of service users using the Church of England for non Christian purposes. Rowan Williams has long been of the opinion that, in a desperate attempt t...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen, Rob Pattinson, and Kristen Stewart To Begin Filming "Tiger Blood Boy - The Winning Warlock of The West"
LOS ANGELES - Charlie "Space Traveler" Sheen and Twilight stars Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have met with famed producer Bandini Borrapelli and have agreed to star in the science fiction - spy thriller Tiger Blood Boy - The Winning Warlock of T...
Read full storyFinnish Man Makes Fast Food Plea
A Finnish gentlemen named Sven Trapindafjord recently posted to a high-tech forum requesting fast food help. "Please, I am asking very humbly, place for to where that will please do home deliver of hamburger to my doorstep?" In broken Eng...
Read full storyPeppridge Farms to Start Producing "Free Range" Goldfish Crackers
Peppridge Farms have announced plans to produce "Free Range" Goldfish Crackers. At a press conference a spokesman announced: "Peppridge Farm has always been at the fore-front of Corporate Social Responsibility, and we can see the writing on th...
Read full storyGeorge Bush to Speak about Environmental Concerns
Fort Worth: President George W. Bush will be a key note speaker at Hart Energy's Developing Unconventional Gas Conference and Exhibition in Fort Worth. He will address environmental concerns. When asked why they chose to invite the former presid...
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