Bruno Tonioli Reveals Why Dancing With The Stars' Jennifer Grey Was In The 'Bottom Two'
HOLLYWOOD - The Dancing With The Stars judge known as the "Gaytalian" Bruno Tonioli confided to his pedicurist Ramon of Redondo Beach the reasons why Jennifer Grey found herself in the bottom two group. Jennifer, who is paired with Derek "The Danc...
Read full storyCalifornia Brewery's "Witches Wit" Halloween Brew Targeted by Wicans!
As if California Politics wasn't scary enough, now the Politically Active Wicans are targeting a California Brewery's Halloween promotion featuring "Witch's Wit' depicting a witch burning at the stake on the label. The brewery and the distributors...
Read full storyMariah Carey Rumoured to be Pregnant With Octuplets!
BEVERLY HILLS - It has been announced that the well-endowed songstress Mariah Carey is, as they say in Holland, impregnated. The wife of America's Got Talent host Nick "The Candlestick" Cannon has apparently not told her husband as of yet, but she...
Read full storyBedbugs Take Manhattan, Then They'll Take Berlin!
The plague of bedbugs have overran New York City, being attacked by pest control from the Statue of Liberty to Carnegie Hall. Now they're at the United Nations! Yesterday the United Nations found evidence of bedbugs in most of the furniture on...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus On Bieber: I Could Justin Eat Him Up!
Miley Cyrus has let it be known that she has fallen in love with Justin Bieber according to just about everyone who knows her. But she doesn't love any of them for very long. According to a Source: "Don't believe those tabloids. Some are saying th...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner's Family Jewells Grabbed By Unknown Teenage Girl
Star of the Twilight movies, Taylor Lautner had several witnesses with him that agree that an unknown teenage girl had grabbed him by the goodies and squeezed them before coming up out of the water in a hotel pool Tuesday afternoon. After several...
Read full story3D-glasses shortage felt as 'Saw 3D' hits movie theatres
Unfortunately for millions of theatre-goers this Halloween weekend, they will not be able to properly watch the debut of 'Saw 3D' due to a large backorder in the global supply of 3D-glasses. "It could not come at a worse time," said avid 3D fan An...
Read full storyWhat's In a Name? 9 of 10 Brits Named Mohammed Don't Get It!
Following the startling announcement that 9 out of 10 new born males in the UK are now named Mohammed, the Council for Registered Births has started to encourage citizens to be 'a little more creative in naming their newborn!" Mohammed O'Riley a n...
Read full storyFamous Athlete Accused of Crime He'll Get Away With Anyway
(October 28, 2010 -- Chicago, IL)...Breaking news out of Chicago has shocked the sports community today as a person really famous for their participation in professional athletics was accused of doing something not considered legal. The superstar at...
Read full storyWorld Series Halted - Giants and Rangers Given The Boot- Red Sox And Yankees Put In
The National Baseball Commission pulled the plug on the 2010 World Series between the San Francisco Giants and the Texas Rangers today due to severe loss of revenue. The surprise triumph of the Rangers and the Giants in their divisions this season as...
Read full storyHull City Star Jimmy Bullard Sustains Third Knee Injury
Unlucky Hull City midfielder Jimmy Bullard has been ruled out of playing for about three weeks with a new knee injury, this time on his third knee. The 32-year-old had to have surgery on his right knee shortly after he joined the Tigers in January...
Read full storyChapter 21: The Oracle Appears, Prefers Oil Not Ink
Just then Charpa leapt back upon the deck with Skoob in tow. "Hah," she bellowed at EQ, "Don't you know we spoofers are impervious to colored ink? It falls off us like our clothing near closing time at the Oasis. We eat colored ink for breakfast, sometimes lunch and some of us snack on it throughout the day." As she spoke, Skoob coughed and then sputtered to life. Morse was the first one to rea...
Read full storyAngry Yuppie to Sue Harley Davidson for False Advertising
New York -- Ed Kutler Jr., a personal injury lawyer, is upset with Harley Davidson over the image the company is selling, and that is the image of the motorcycle making you cool but yet an outlaw. "Look at this add. This guy is a loner, but yet i...
Read full storyKeith Richards No Longer Human - May Be Immortal
The name Keith Richards is synonymous with rock 'n' roll excess, his memoirs detail a lifetime spent ingesting a monumental quantity of illegal drugs and he only gave up cocaine, aged 62, after he split his head open falling from a tree while foragin...
Read full storyRolling "Stoned" Keith Richards is immortal and now he's told his secret!
Keith Richards, Rolling "Stoned" ageing guitarist, pronounced dead 5 times and still kicking has revealed the truth to his longevity, over excesses and how to live the life of a "9 lifer cat." His recent autobiography reveals that he actually wasn...
Read full storyConfessions of a Lobbyist
Washington -- Dick Gephardt is enjoying the good life of getting rich off big corporations. He is a lobbyist for Gephardt Group, which he started after he left Congress in 2005. "I love being a lobbyists, because I can hangout with my old pals in Congress. I don't have to pretend to care about America, and big companies pay me lots of money to exploit American workers." Mr. Gephardt told a gro...
Read full storyBoris Causing Problems
Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, is causing problems for the Government. By calling the policy of a removal of poor people from expensive flats in London 'ethnic cleansing', Boris is sounding like a member of the Labour Party. In characteristic fas...
Read full storyHow To Bake The Perfect Pumpkin Pie This Halloween
Yes, Halloween is upon us once again. The night of the Witches is traditionally celebrated by children dressing up in scary costumes and then terrorising elderly neighbours into giving them their cash. But Halloween is also the time for the humble pumpkin to take centre stage. On October 31st this rarely eaten big berry suddenly becomes all the rage. Pumpkin pie, made from the leftovers after a...
Read full storyHealth & Safety Executive warnings about blowing up Parliament ahead of Guy Fawkes Night
Due to the sheer volume, in more than one sense of the word, of complaints regarding the new coalition government and the austerity measures they are forcing on the British public, there are concerns that a monumental backlash will help drive the den...
Read full storyDear Doctor Dorothy - Blood Letting
Dear Doctor Dorothy, Since being small, I have wanted to be pale and interesting. Unfortunately, I have always had a healthy complexion. Now I am a teenage emo, and I discovered if I give blood twice a day, I can get the complexion I desire. Slowly I am fitting in with my new friends. However, I find that I am losing all my energy, and I feel faint quite a lot. On top of this, I have lost the a...
Read full storyQueen's seizure as 'Fake Shaikh' bailout check bounces
Windsor - (Money Laundering News): She was found foaming at the mouth this morning as news of the bounced check shocked the nation. Three days of palatial hospitality for notorious Qatari 'Fake Shaikh' and his Halloweenish consort Shaikha Mozzad...
Read full storyU.K. Engineer Designs Better Gripping Stripper Pole
Following years of unreported but serious workplace related injuries in adult entertainment establishments, a London engineer today announced his new design for a textured, no-slip stripper pole. In a news conference earlier this morning, Howie Og...
Read full storyDerek Acorah contacts Paul the Psychic Octopus
Following the death of Paul the Psychic Octopus, the only other truly psychic being on the planet, Derek Acorah, has offered to contact Paul the Psychic octopus in order to predict the results of up coming sporting events. Otto Limms, Paul's agent...
Read full storyBUG OUT! When the Going Gets Tough, Obama Bails!
Barack Obama has finally shown what he's made of, as the self proclaimed leader of the Free World packed up and bailed out leaving his constituency in the lurch less than a week before mid term election. With an iconic "Charge, I'll Follow" radio...
Read full storyDefence cuts money to pay for opponents legal aid
To the victor go the spoils! That is usually how it goes, but winning a war these days can leave you with a potential lawsuit on your hands, what with all them enemies you shot in an effort to stop them from invading your country or patch of far away land that you nicked off of them ages ago, back before legal aid was invented. It's probably sensible to not spend as much money on an elite f...
Read full storySprout Disaster Fear
Prime Minister, David Cameron, has made a desperate bid to stop the Brussels Sprout mountain getting any bigger. Currently British tax papers are having to contribute £30 million annually to keep the Sprout Mountain in place. Next year the European C...
Read full storyEgyptian Book of the Grateful Dead on display at museum
London - (Pyramid Scheme): London's Museum of Natural Hystery is staging a display of the 3,000 year-old manuscript recording Jerry Garcia's ancient Nubian ancestry. The document was found stuffed deep inside the Sphinx's throat after the band pla...
Read full storyX Factor Judge Dannii "No Punchbag," Says Expert
Dannii Minogue's claims that she is just a punchbag on the X Factor have been rubbished by a British expert. Dannii made the claim yesterday at the launch of a fashion range at a posh London store. She told reporters: "This series is the most i...
Read full storyColeen Rooney's Breasts - Day 2: EU Tension Mounts
The size of Coleen Rooney's bosom is causing diplomatic tension within the European Union. Pictures in the world's press yesterday of Coleen and Wayne on holiday in Dubai sparked speculation that Coleen's breasts had expanded recently. While m...
Read full storyMohammed now Britain's most popular name for baby boys
New figures from the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages provide an insight into the changing cultural profile of Britain today. Currently, more newborn boys are called Mohammed than any other name. In fact, 7,549 boys were named Mohammed. Go...
Read full storyChapter 20: The Wrath of Charpa
"Prepare to fire... the ink!" Mark yelled like a maniac as he watched the Canadian paddling her raft closer to the British frigate. "God I sound like Davy Jones. Maybe that's why I'm growing such a ridiculous moustache these days," he reflected. "Sorry sir, quills went out of fashion four centuries ago. Shall I fetch the printer ink?" grunted a voice outside the door. "You mean you haven't l...
Read full storyBilly Ray Cyrus and Wife Leticia File For Divorce On Grounds of Achy Breaky Marriage Vows
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Billy Ray and Leticia Cyrus have filed for divorce after a marriage of 17 years. The couple has five children including one of the richest teens in America, Miley Cyrus. A spokesperson for the couple stated that Billy Ray and Tish...
Read full storyOregon is not that fast; Everyone else is just fat, slow & lazy
The blinding speed of the University of Oregon's top-ranked football team will again be on display this weekend when they play Southern California. The conventional wisdom is that the key to Oregon's success is a fast offense. So fast, in fact, t...
Read full storyAndrea Fay Friedman Voted World's Hottest Mongoloid By Waterhead Magazine
Actress Andrea Fay Friedman, who played Sarah Palin's child in a controversial episode of Family Guy, has just been named 'Hottest Mongoloid' by Down's Syndrome advocacy publication Waterhead Magazine. Is Mongoloid or Down's Syndrome the Preferred Te...
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