Chapter 21: The Oracle Appears, Prefers Oil Not Ink

Funny story written by Charpa93

Thursday, 28 October 2010

image for Chapter 21: The Oracle Appears, Prefers Oil Not Ink
Dead Man Sittin' on a Ninja Ship

Just then Charpa leapt back upon the deck with Skoob in tow. "Hah," she bellowed at EQ, "Don't you know we spoofers are impervious to colored ink? It falls off us like our clothing near closing time at the Oasis. We eat colored ink for breakfast, sometimes lunch and some of us snack on it throughout the day."

As she spoke, Skoob coughed and then sputtered to life. Morse was the first one to reach him. "Skoob, Skoob, you're ok, hip hip hooray!" to which Skoob merely said "C'mon Morsie, that's talk for when it's just me and you, mi amico mio, alone, kapiche?"

"Look everyone" Morse yelled, "he's doing his Italian mob dialogue. I so love it when he speaks ganster."

Skoob looked startled, I'm speaking in dialogue? "O-M-G, that is just so not like me," he said in his best Paris Hilton, then looked at #3 and said "you're hot."

"The high fever must have affected his speech patterns" yelled Vic, as he rushed to examine Skoob (but not in a gay way). Victor thumped a few times on Skoob's head and asking him a few questions as he did so. "What is your favorite hat? "Fedora," said Skoob. "What is your favorite hat?" Vic thumped him hard and asked again. "Fedora!" said Skoob. Then Vic karate chopped Skoob in the adam's apple and asked one more time, "What is your favorite hat?" To which Skoob replied, "well, chappie, it's the pork pie now innit?" Everyone cheered. The old Skoob was back.

Just then from below decks rising up through a hole much like Cher has been known to do in Vegas and always wearing less than the audience would have liked to see, was what appeared to be royalty. Her presence silenced the spoofing crew as well as their worthy pursuers. The air dead calm, the seas smooth as glass, the only sound around was two idiots on wave runners who didn't realize there was a real-life collaboration going on aboard the replica pirate ship they were buzzing past with annoying shouts of "Ahoy Matey" and "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum." A last spurt of ink, though, took care of that distraction.

The person, nay, super being that stood before everyone was none other than Queen Mudder, dressed provocatively in over-the-knee patent leather pirate boots with six-inch heels and carrying a large black whip. As she began to speak, Charpa dropped her machete, Jean La Fete traded his antlers with Carina for her red wig, and Colonel Juan shook in his boots, knowing he was going to go down in points just for being there. The others fell, one by one to their knees. Bureau began to quote snippets like prayers under his breath hoping the Queen didn't notice. It was his way of dealing with the most difficult of life's issues. Birbee, high above, was cowering in the crow's nest.

And then she spoke. "I am and always have been the Oracle," Said QM in an other-worldly voice. I have earned the power six million times over to tell you sorry spoofers how it really is going to be. She beckoned Mark to her side and he obliged willingly. She placed her 6-inch spiked patent leather heel just inches from his head, having seen this happen in some election news just days earlier where it appears that stomping on someone's head can induce submission.

But just as the Queen started to speak, a large wave made by the angry wave runner clowns hit the port side of the ship, tossing everyone about, spoofers and detractors alike. The ship, losing its ballast, was in serious trouble of capsizing, when Charpa caught a quick glance at the wave runners. Could it be? Was it JO and Monkey Woods? This was all becoming too clear…

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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