Coleen Rooney's Breasts - Day 2: EU Tension Mounts

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Thursday, 28 October 2010


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The size of Coleen Rooney's bosom is causing diplomatic tension within the European Union.

Pictures in the world's press yesterday of Coleen and Wayne on holiday in Dubai sparked speculation that Coleen's breasts had expanded recently.

While most commentators agreed that Coleen's bosom had indeed waxed to some extent, later in the day some observers expressed doubt.

This led to a call in the European Commission to despatch an EU inspection party to establish the facts.

However, a strong movement within the the UK's representatives in the EU and at home is resisting the move, claiming the issue concern's Britain's sovereignty.

"Coleen's bosom is a national issue and nothing to do with European Commissioners," said a British source in the EC.

"If anyone should inspect Mrs Rooney's breasts, it should be HM Bosom Inspection Unit - they are perfectly capable and fit for purpose.

"This is a very dangerous issue. There is no way that the UK has signed away breast inspection rights, and it's pretty clear that we won't be signing away those rights in the near future."

A spokesman for the EC told us: "Once again we see the UK resisting full integration into the Union. Surely it is essential to see breast inspection standardised across the EU?

"Talks will continue at a high level but we believe this should be a job for a EU-wide body."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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