Health & Safety Executive warnings about blowing up Parliament ahead of Guy Fawkes Night

Funny story written by matthatt

Thursday, 28 October 2010


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image for Health & Safety Executive warnings about blowing up Parliament ahead of Guy Fawkes Night
Televisions, Robert Lindsey, playing yet another revolutionary. 'POWER TO THE PEOPLE' indeed.

Due to the sheer volume, in more than one sense of the word, of complaints regarding the new coalition government and the austerity measures they are forcing on the British public, there are concerns that a monumental backlash will help drive the denizens of blighted Britain to the brink.

The Health and Safety Executive have been made aware of murmurations of discontent as winter approaches and been alerted to the fact that firework sales, which are usually quite high at this time of year, have risen by such an extent, they have concluded that something is afoot.

In an effort to reduce the amount of Parliament exploding related injuries they believe may occur and as a general arse covering exercise, they have released a special "Guy Fawkes Night revolutionaries safety awareness" pamphlet, to alert any would be rebel scum to the dangers of gunpowder plot based scenarios to amateur revolutionaries.

Snippets released show advice such as "Light the government at arm's length with a taper and stand well back. Never return to a government once it has been shit..." and of course the usual warnings for our four legged friends. "...and don't forget to keep your pets indoors during times of the year when governments are likely to go off."

One of the leaders of the revolution was quoted as saying "Our revolution manifesto will basically be the Health & Safety Executive Firework night safety leaflet. That will keep printing costs down. It's good to know you can still overthrow a corrupt bourgeoisie without getting further into debt."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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