Written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 28 October 2010

image for Rolling "Stoned" Keith Richards is immortal and now he's told his secret!
Keith has divulged his secrets of immortality, no sex? plenty of drugs, booze and Rock & Roll!

Keith Richards, Rolling "Stoned" ageing guitarist, pronounced dead 5 times and still kicking has revealed the truth to his longevity, over excesses and how to live the life of a "9 lifer cat."

His recent autobiography reveals that he actually wasn't quite as bad as we all thought.

First Keith said, "sex is out, I only do it when Anita (his German spouse) wants it, twice a year, Christmas and birthdays?"

"I boozed till I was 60, then I only drank like any normal thirsty, male, 10 pints of Guiness and a bottle of Southern Comfort a day, what's the f*****g problem?"

"Drugs, yeah man, everything I wanted I swallowed up till 60, then I only continued with a normal daily dose of cocaine, marijuana and now and then a sniff of heroine, look at me man, I'm alive and kicking," he proudly said.

Doctors are warning any naive youngsters not too follow Keith's lifestyle, it could kill them. ( well it will actually)

Also one of Keith's secrets is his very close emotional ties to his guitars, in fact he prefers them in bed to Anita he say's, "they're always in tune man and the missus is out of tune every month, so sod her!"

May Keith Richards remain forever amongst us, one of the greatest, piss artist, rock legends to grace our planet, only Sean McGowan from the Pogues can compete (maybe)!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Keith Richards




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