Palin Could 'Defeat Obama' in 2012
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Sarah Palin says she is seriously considering a run for the White House, and she believes she could beat President Obama in 2012. Obama did have a retort. "Yeah," said Obama. "She can bring the rain. In fact, she can bring th...
Read full storyStacey Solomon in I'm a Celebrity hardcore vermilingua orgy
I'm a Celebrity's Stacey Solomon has spent much of her spare time partaking in an orgy of vermilingua according to resident shit meddler Gillian McKeith. 'I've been analysing Stacey's turds' said the 65 year old Scot 'and the weird thing is that t...
Read full story'Baywatch-Nude Beach Patrol' Comes to Cable in January
Producers of the wildly popular television series Baywatch are currently in the process of developing a spin-off titled Baywatch-Nude Beach Patrol. Film crews have been busy filming a 2-hour premiere episode on private L.A. County beaches. While t...
Read full storyConspiracy Theories Circulating Around Couple Released from Somali Pirates
LONDON - The couple who were released from the Somali pirates are relieved to be back home. After their 13-month situation, many theorists have come up with the story behind their so-called ordeal. "Well," said FourForFour, an internet theorist...
Read full storyBronko Nagurski's Family calls NCAA "a bunch of hypocrite Nancy-Boys" for playing away from Wrigley Field Brick Wall
(Chicago, Illinois) - On the eve of a Big Ten novelty game between Northwestern and Illinois, the family of Bronko Nagurski is criticizing the decision to point the playing field away from the right-field wall. "A bunch of hypocrite Nancy-Boys is...
Read full storyMafia Boss Salvatore Goombalini Tells The TSA - "You Toucha My Salami, I Feeda You To Da Fish"
BROOKLYN - Underground syndicate boss Salvatore "The Pizza Man" Goombalini has made it very clear to the TSA that he is not going to be putting up with having his private parts caressed, groped, or even touched. Goombalini speaking on Good Morning...
Read full storyBorn to Spoof: Chapter 6 - New Olde World
Looking out the cell window Masterchev watched in amazement. #4 she'd hit the ground so lightly from her horse, it was as if the gravity didn't affect her the way it did the rest of us mortals. "Hmmmm," thought Masterchev, "mortals...portals,...gerbils?" There was something stirring in his mind, he felt different somehow, more powerful, yet he couldn't put his finger on it as he watched #4. She...
Read full storyMan Develops Alternative Fuel Source from Fruitcake
Bentonville, AR - A former Walmart employee and part-time nutty professor has begun research into alternative uses for the millions of fruitcakes that are returned every December 26th to Walmart. Speaking from the garage of his home on Vista Drive in...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Recalls Drunken Adventures
In several interviews about his new book, former President George W. Bush stated that he was once addicted to alcohol. "Oh I wasn't one of those guys crawling around on my hands and knees, I was usually under the table." Laura Bush also talked...
Read full storyMadonna Gets New Toy Boy!
According to the latest from Hollywood, Madonna has let her older guys go their way so that she can have fresh meat for her consumption. The new toy boy is professional dancer, Brahim Zaibat and is 24 year old. Madonna has varicose veins older tha...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Having CCD Will Not Change Wedding Plans!
Robert Pattinson says that he will stay with their plans and marry Kristen Stewart even though she has been diagnosed this week with having CCD. "I don't care what Kristen has. Let me rephrase, despite the fact that Kristen has been diagnosed with...
Read full storyRepurposing the Dreaded Holiday Fruitcake
With the Holidays almost upon us, our doors are likely to be darkened again by the arrival of an annual housewarming gift, the baked brick that promises edibility but invokes a gag reflex, the one item that when received, forces you into a feigned sm...
Read full storyKoala Bear Visits Australian Pub
During a rainy evening on an island off the Queensland coast in Australia a Koala Bear wandered in and asked for a jar of amber nectar. The barman, ever alert to some plot by the local cops to test his willingness to serve under age drinkers, aske...
Read full storyU.S. Demands That Karzai Resign
The U.S. has demanded that Hamid Karzai step down as President of Afghanistan. The move was triggered by a recent outburst in which the President criticized NATO operations and, more importantly, upset General Petraeus. "President Karzai is ge...
Read full storyAcross the Pond, a True Cinderfella Story
Over in England, everyone is abuzz about the announced engagement between "Kate and William". But this is not just a story of romance, it's an inspiration to regular "blokes" everywhere. William is the product of a broken home. By age 28, he was...
Read full storySan Antonio Spurs Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili Warn Tony Parker That If He Comes Near Their Wives They'll Kick Him Back To France
SAN ANTONIO - Tony Parker is by no means the first athlete to cheat on his wife. NBA players like English football (soccer) players are sad to say notorious for their marital transgressions. But in the case of the one who calls himself "Frenchy" h...
Read full storyThe shocking photo Kate Middleton never wanted you to see
It has been revealed tonight that a shocking photo that Kate Middleton never wanted anyone to see has been sold to a top London Red Top Newspaper Editor. The photo is said to have been poached from the Facebook page of a "friend" and is thought t...
Read full storyNew Zealand Miners Fake Cave-in In Chilean Mine Copycat Scheme.
27 miners in Wallabytown, New Zealand have attempted to cash in on the 'surviving a coal mine cave-in' trend that became popular in Chile earlier this year, hoping for the same 2 month paid vacation the Chilean miners enjoyed. Sadly, the plan may...
Read full storySean Connery nabbed at airport
Sean Connery was arrested as he attempted to go through customs at Heathrow yesterday. The 80 yr. old actor, recently named in a multi-million fraud case, involving 'property' was arrested by airport security. A fellow passenger had pointed him...
Read full storyOksana Grigorieva Says She Is Traumatized As Airport Pat Down Reminds Her Of Her Former Relationship With Ex-Future Husband Mel Gibson
DENVER - Mel Gibson's ex-future wife Oksana Grigorieva says that she has been severely traumatized due to the pat down which she received at Denver's John And Bob Denver International Airport. She remarked that the entire sordid incident has remin...
Read full storyCatatonia Young Socialists' orgasms slammed
Spain - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Are Spain's teenage lefties brain-dead morons for publishing a voting video promoting simulated orgasm techniques? Spoof News' man-in-the-polling-cubicle has investigated reported hand jobs linked to the Catatoni...
Read full story'Protracted' Spanish political orgasm video upsets politicians
Spanish politicians have criticized a video by the Young Socialists in Catalonia in which a woman simulates a 'protracted' orgasm while casting her vote. Politicians from all the major parties in the country have attacked the video campaign saying...
Read full storyGeorge "W" Sez Obama Will Be Worse X-Pres Than Jimmy Carter
Former President George W. Bush, who has made of point of not criticizing President Obama out of respect for the Presidency, told a Republican gathering in San Diego that he expects Obama to be a one term president and that he predicts that "Obama wi...
Read full storyCommuters blame royal wedding hex for Bond Street tube jumper
London - (Mind The Gap Mess): The blighted royal wedding claimed its first victim when a polo playing pal of Prince Charles jumped in front of a Central Line train on Wednesday. Commuters said a worried looking 'toff' was reading freesheet Kate &...
Read full storyElton John's Italian concert was incorrectly financed by EU, they thought they were promoting "gay rights" in Naples!
Elton John (the author refuses to call him Sir) gave a sell out concert in Naples, bella Italia last year and it seems that the EU financed the concert incorrectly because they thought the money was serving a good cause, promoting "gay rights" in Nap...
Read full storyThe U.S. Government States That Illegal Aliens Will Be Flown Back To Mexico At No Charge And Will Be Exempt From "Pat Downs"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Transportation Security Administration spokesperson, Clovis Baxter Shamnoodle, 47, has informed the media that effective immediately any illegal aliens who have decided to return to Mexico will be provided with free first class tic...
Read full storyBankers Told 'You've Never Had it so Good'
The Government's Special Adviser, Lord Young has advised Banks that they have never had it so good. 'Bailed out by tax payers after you ruined the economy. The Labour Party blamed. Now you are back in profit and bonuses are coming with Father Christm...
Read full storyFavourite Graphs
A study in personal preferences over the way that people prefer to have data displayed has shown a remarkable personal bias among those questioned. Ninety-six percent of overweight people said that they preferred a pie chart as an information disp...
Read full storyWar Of Words Over Gingerbread PC Madness
Council chiefs who renamed gingerbread men 'gingerbread persons' on primary school menus have been forced to climb down by complaining parents and neighbouring authorities. Lancashire County Council made the change over concerns for political corr...
Read full storyShock: Tragedy Strikes At Isle Of Wight Garlic Festival
Tragedy struck at this years annual Isle Of Wight Garlic Festival. The festival, which has been running for over 25 years, is a mixture of food, entertainment and fun. Attracting larger and larger crowds each year, the organiser's have had their w...
Read full storyLarge Hadron Collider Success Down To Local Sparky
Eggheads operating the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) have been enjoying a great deal of success with their experiments over recent weeks. And they have local electrician Dave Coaxial to thank for their celebrations. The collider, which is operate...
Read full storyHarry Potter Film Premier Party Raided by Police
The Harry Potter Premier After Party was raided by Police last week. They arrived with sniffer dogs and breathaliser machines. They said they were looking for drugs and bombs and underage drinking but they then proceeded to ask for the autograp...
Read full storyDrug Of The Vampire: Chapter 3: Getting In To It, But Still A long Way Off From The End
Previous Chapters... Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Carlsberg was a huge city. To the common man it was a jumble of wood and stone, with no rhyme or reason in it's construction. But to the more open mind it was a beautiful showcase of architecture. It's parks were immaculate and well tended. And it was regarded throughout the land as the forefront of cultural and academic studies. The main stre...
Read full storyJason Manford quits The One Show amid Drink and Drugs rumours
Amid allegations of drink and drugs and sexual Twittering, Jason Manford has been forced to quit from the popular BBC One magazine show, The One Show. Allegedly, Manford had swallowed a couple of extra strong paracetamol with caffeine, knocked bac...
Read full storyNATO Cuts Are All About Pin Money, Says Top Soldier
Critics of proposed cuts in NATO funding have been told that Europe and the west can remain secure from Russian threat by spending pin money. Major General Casper Dillinger-Bollinger, a senior NATO planner, moved quickly to allay fears that the de...
Read full storyHollywood publicist is killed by a Mexican gang
SINALOA MEXICO- Investigators have received a message from a Mexican gang in Sinaloa, Mexico claiming responsibility for the murder of Hollywood publicist Honni Runner who was shot to death in her car in Beverly Hills on her way home from a movie pre...
Read full storyMovie Inspired by DWTS beats Potter at Box Office
LOS ANGELES - Following Tuesday's unexpected defeat of popular entertainer Brandy and pro-dancer Maksim "Mac" Chmerkovskiyeeiyiieovichskiyi, 20th Century Fox has greenlit, produced, and released a movie loosely based on the events of the controversia...
Read full storyMan With Pistol-Shaped Penis Afraid to Fly
Herman "Harry" Schwanglinger is a businessman who relies heavily on the friendly skies to get him quickly from one business meeting to another. Until recently, he was a frequent business flyer having racked up more than a million miles in the past tw...
Read full storyChildren demanding new names
Teenagers around the world are demanding to change their names from those given them by their parents. "My parents gave me a girl's name," explained one boy. "I lost count of the number of times I've been beaten up for being named Francis," he ple...
Read full storyObama Gifting Big to Bush Family this Holiday Season
Normally, a crystal vessel such as a lovely fruit bowl or ornate juice decanter would be a perfect gift from the sitting President to his predecessors. However, this year, President Obama is feeling particularly generous and has obviously decided to...
Read full storyDerek Hough Plots To Take Over World - "Dancing" star reveals secret plot for world domination
Hollywood, CA--As the final week of competition on ABC's hit reality show "Dancing With the Stars" draws near, many fans have been heard to cry conspiracy in response to Bristol Palin's inexplicable staying power. The show's own professional blonde p...
Read full storyUK on terror alert, again
The UK was back on terror alert last night, after a bomb exploded in woodland just to the west of London. Police & counter terrorist experts are combing the area for clues as to the identity of the bombers. The only damage sustained was some blow...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Love Naked Geometry
"Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are the sexiest geeks in town! They bring tragic vampyre passion to the field of abstract math and topology. They like nothing better than to strip totally naked at their bohemian apartment in Much Wenlock, Shropshire, England, UK and go straight for the jugular with some serious homotopy shit. These kids are genuine bloodsucking boffins! Now for the first...
Read full story