Jason Manford quits The One Show amid Drink and Drugs rumours

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 19 November 2010

image for Jason Manford quits The One Show amid Drink and Drugs rumours
This is not Jason Manford's drink - it's still full.

Amid allegations of drink and drugs and sexual Twittering, Jason Manford has been forced to quit from the popular BBC One magazine show, The One Show.

Allegedly, Manford had swallowed a couple of extra strong paracetamol with caffeine, knocked back with a double espresso, and could regularly be seen knocking back energy drinks while off camera.

Manford, who shot to fame on the celebrity comedy panel show 8 out of 10 Cats, is also a stand-up comedian, voice over artist, writer, husband and father, and many think that his overly taxing schedule has led to him keeping awake using strong coffee and energy drinks, which have the side effect of giving him a headache, forcing the use of the regulated drug, paracetamol.

"I do work pretty hard," said Manford. "But coffee and Red Bull keep me going. I admit it. I even have the occasional headache tablet. Nowt wrong with that. I am a little upset that supermarkets will only sell me sixteen paracetamol tablets at a time. I mean, that's just three days worth. What's going on there? They'll sell me as much bleach as I can drink, but they're a bit worried about my liver? Stupid."

It is believed that bosses at the BBC are all staunch tea drinkers, and could not stand the constant smell of freshly brewed coffee on the set.

"Jason has not been asked to leave because of the coffee," said One Show boss, Juan Tzhou. "This would be discrimination of coffee drinkers. Nor as he been asked to leave because he would not switch to ibuprofen. It is the constant Twittering. His sexual proclivities have brought the One Show into disrepute, and if I ever find out what Twitter is, I will be even more upset."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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